Girl code is complex.
I’m not allowed to hit on the guys my friends have “claimed” for the night. I also have to stick up for my girls if someone tries to create drama.
There’s no stronger bond than that of a girl and her girlfriends.
Likewise, there’s no greater camaraderie than the one found while waiting on line to use the ladies’ bathroom at a club.
Suddenly, the girl who just got into a fight with her boyfriend becomes a sister and the bathroom attendant is the therapist you could never afford.
Whether you’re in the club’s dingy single-stall or waiting in line for the bathroom at your next house party, there are 10 unspoken commandments you will always follow.
1. Thou shalt hold up the puking drunk girl’s hair.
There’s always one girl at the bar who got a little too happy during happy hour and releases the contents of her bad decisions into the toilet.
It’s your job to ask her if she’s okay. As a person with a v**ina, you’re obligated to hold up her hair and try to make her feel better.
Bonus points if you make a reasonable attempt to get her a cup of water.
2. Thou shalt share tampons with a lady in need.
Even if the tampon in your purse is your last super size or saved for a rainy day, you must always give it to any girl who asks.
Pay it forward, because you never know when you’ll need a v**ina plug of your own.
3. Thou shalt leave quickly if someone is trying to poop.
If the lady in the next stall hasn’t made any, ahem, moves, assume she has performance anxiety. Try to skedaddle out of there as quickly as possible.
4. Thou shalt agree to take drunk bathroom selfies.
After six gin and tonics, everyone looks like a million bucks.
Whether she’s your friend or you’ve never seen her before, a drunk girl in selfie mode must be placated. Be a good sport and stumble in for your five seconds of Snapchat fame.
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5. Thou shalt join another girl if she’s going to the bathroom.
Bathrooms are really just secret meeting places, no boys allowed.
They’re where you make a plan of action for the rest of the night, strategize getaways from bad dates and fix each other’s makeup. If she goes, you go, too.
6. Thou shalt lend a hand with pesky zippers and rompers.
Live every straight guy’s dream and help your fellow woman shimmy out of her bodycon and into a stall.
Don’t walk too far away, because she’ll need help putting it back on post-pee.
7. Thou shalt listen to her sob.
At this very moment, you are her life coach. It’s your job to listen to a story about how her boyfriend is a d*ck, or offer advice about her absentee father.
If she’s bawling all over the sink, help her wade through the emotional sh*t.
8. Thou shalt share makeup without protest.
If she desperately needs some help in the mascara department, you better be there. Lipstick? What’s yours is hers.
Who cares if you know each other or not? Pass the eyeliner, girl! Germs don’t exist in girl world.
9. Thou shalt always tell her she looks hot, no matter what.
It doesn’t matter if her dress is riding up, you have to sing her praises for existing.
The bathroom is a sacred place. Leave all those negative vibes at the door.
10. Thou shalt drunkenly become best friends with everyone in the bathroom line.
There’s no greater bond than the one forged between two girls needing to pee on a wild night out.