It happens all the time. Couples get married and expect their s*x life to be just like they see in the movies: romantic and steamy. But then the honeymoon ends and they realize s*x is a little more complicated than what they see on the screen.
Here are 10 of the most common questions couples have about s*x answered by a marriage counselor.
Q1: What do I do if I don’t want s*x as often as my partner does?
A: s*x is vitally important to a healthy marriage. If your partner isn’t receiving s*x as often as they’d like, they’re likely not feeling loved because of it. So, try finding other ways to make them feel loved like by sending sexy text messages or having steamy make-out sessions.
Also, try to have s*x more often. s*x is a wonderful thing between two committed partners. If, however, you have emotional or martial issues that need to be worked out in order for you to feel more comfortable having s*x more frequently, seek help from a professional s*x and marriage therapist.
Q2: What do I do if my partner doesn’t want s*x as often as I do?
A: Be patient. Sometimes your partner is just going through temporary stressors that will go away on their own.
If it’s been several months, though, and/or there are no noticeable stressors, then it’s best to have a frank talk about it. Ask your partner what you can do to help. And tell them what they can do help you feel wanted.
Q3: How long does it take for my s*x drive to go back to normal after giving birth?
A: After giving birth, your body goes through all kinds of changes and it takes time to get your body regulated again. Every woman varies with the amount of time it takes for her to get her s*x drive back, but I find it usually takes about as long as it does for your baby to begin to sleep through most of the night.
So, work to get your baby regulated, and you’ll find your body and s*x drive get regulated too.
Q4: I’m not in the mood to have s*x. Should I have s*x anyway?
A: Sometimes desire doesn’t come until after arousal. So the adage of “Fake it ’til you make it” might actually (and often does) work in this instance.
Just make sure this doesn’t happen too much, or you’ll start to feel violated and resentful. Do what you have to do to get in the mood as often as you can.
Q5: I need to have s*x to feel loved by my spouse. Is that wrong?
A: Nope. This isn’t wrong at all. In fact, s*x is the only thing you share with your partner that you don’t share with anyone else. So it is a unique and excellent way of showing and feeling love, romance and attraction between two people.
Q6: I need to feel loved before I have s*x. Is that wrong?
A: Nope. This isn’t wrong at all. The best s*x is when there is meaning behind it. And love is one of those meanings that makes s*x really good.
But s*x can also be for other reasons like to have fun or to make up after a fight. s*x has a lot of meanings. So make sure you’re not limiting your s*xual expression to only when you feel loved, or you’ll be missing out on a lot of other great s*x.
Q7: Is boring s*x normal?
A: Sometimes. But make sure it doesn’t happen too often. Your relationship inside the bedroom is strongly . to your relationship outside the bedroom. So, if your s*x life is boring, that means your relationship is likely boring too (or will become so soon).
It’s okay to have boring s*x sometimes (like when you just want to do it because you finally have time and don’t know when you’ll have time again), but if you have boring s*x too much, you’ll find it starts bleeding over outside the bedroom.
Q8: We fight a lot about s*x. Are we doomed?
A: Nope lots of couples fight about s*x. Join the club. If you start fighting about it too much, then it’s time to see a marriage counselor. Again, join the club.
Q9. My spouse doesn’t understand what I like in the bedroom. What do I do?
A: Talk about it. There’s no replacement for good old-fashioned communication. Sure, s*x is a sensitive topic and you may hurt feelings by giving pointers, but you’re not giving pointers. You’re telling your spouse what you like. Most partners are happy to do what you like, especially if it drives you wild.
If you’re not having the kind of s*x you like and you feel too embarrassed to talk about it, then that’s your ownership, not your partner’s. Get up the guts and just say it. You can’t expect your spouse to read your mind.
Q10: We used to have s*x a lot more often, but now we don’t. Is that normal?
A: Yes and no. It’s normal for your s*x drive to ebb and flow – especially when there are big life-stressors (like having a baby, moving, changing jobs, etc). But make sure you’re both talking about it and are both happy with the amount of s*x you’re having.
Remember, your s*x life is inseparably connected with the rest of your relationship. So, if your s*x life is faltering, make sure to save your relationship from faltering too.