Married life is pretty damn sweet—you’ve got a teammate for life and someone to spend holidays with. But while being married rocks, some of the outside commentary that comes with it can get really…well, annoying. Raise your hand if you’re hitched and have heard these more than a few times. (We thought so.)
“So, when are you going to have kids?”
Everyone from your mom to your office manager starts asking this about a millisecond after you say “I do.” Been married a while and already have a kid? They’ll ask when the next one is coming. Note to self: People won’t be satisfied until you morph into Michelle Duggar.
“What’s it like?”
Are you looking for an existential answer? It’s like floating on a narwhal through an ocean of rainbows set to the music of the adult contemporary band, Chicago. Or, it’s the exact same as dating, only with joint checking.
“You’re different now.”
Oh, right, because getting a rock on my finger finally gave me the opportunity to reveal my true self. (Mwa-ha-ha!) Seriously, what are you getting at here?
“When are you changing your name?”
The answer is always the same: “I’ll think about it when my husband seriously considers changing his.” (Just don’t say that to Nana—she’ll have a heart attack.)
“Are you going to buy a house?”
Are you going to give me the money for the down payment? Then, absolutely!
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“What do you think of your in-laws?”
Unless this question is asked by your parents, siblings, or BFF, you just paint a rosy picture. Can’t do it with a straight face? “They’re great!” works every time. You can always cover your muffled laughter with a cough.
“Do you ever get sick of each other?”
The public answer is “no.” The private answer is, “well, yeah.” You’ve heard him “sing” in the car, right?
“I could never get married.”
Hey, to each her own! But…why are we talking about this? Guaranteed it would not go over well if I said, “I could never be single.”
“You wouldn’t understand: You’re married.”
You’re right—because I’ve never been single or dated in my life. Clearly. This guy over here? He just randomly showed up on my doorstep one day and then—boom—married!
“Is he your best friend?”
You know it!