Is it possible to know before marriage that a man is abusive? Yes.
What are the warning signs?
There are many tell-tale signs of an abuser but I’ll give you ten which I mentioned in the novel ‘You Found Me’. If ladies would be careful, pray and pay close attention to these signs, they would know an abuser before getting deeply involved.
Ten signs of an abusive man
1) He has anger problem, loses his temper quickly.
2) When angry, he is violent. He may beat on the table with his fist, throw or break things.
3) He tries to control you by telling you that if you do what he wants, there won’t be any problem. In the novel, Emma told Ann, “Try to understand me and there won’t be any problem again.”
4) He blames you or says it’s your fault that he loses his temper or is abusive. Such men usually say, “You provoked me,” “You caused it,” “You made me do it.”
5) He hit a girlfriend in the past and he says she made him do it.
6) You’re concerned about what he will say or how he will act in response to what you do or say.
7) He is unnecessarily jealous. With so much anger, he accuses you of cheating on him without reason; and wants to know where you are coming from.
8) Making excuses for his behaviour, he promises to change but doesn’t.
9) To control and make you submit to him, he threatens you. He may say, “I’ll slap you,” “I’ll kill you.”
10) He pushes, slaps or hits you.
Now ladies, if a man pushes, slaps or hits you when you are not even married to him, how do you think he would treat you in marriage? If a man does not respect you in public, how do you think he would treat you behind closed doors? Some women knew before marriage that their men were violent and abusive yet went ahead to marry them, hoping that marriage would change them but it did not.
The truth is that no one has the power to change another person, only God can, and if abuse occurs during courtship, it will likely continue into marriage unless there’s an intervention.