There are some questions that remain debatable in the dating circuit. Should there forever remain an element of mystery? Should women be expected to uphold a certain sense of societal prim and properness? Or has the notion of being ladylike died with generation’s past?
I go back and forth with this a lot, and while I preach equality through and through, I’m also a woman who no matter how comfortable I am in front of a man, likes to maintain certain standards. Some of these illustrate concepts larger than cosmetics and hygiene, and some of them are just plainly matters of vanity.
Here are 12 things you should never, ever say to your boyfriend.
1. “I’m having money troubles.”
There should be a very distinct separation between your finances and your partner’s finances. I’m not saying he can’t lend you 20 dollars here and there, but beyond that it creates an unnecessary power dynamic. Look to friends or family for help first. Hell, take on a second job if you have to.
2. “I need you.”
There’s a big difference between “I need your help” and “I need you.” Asking him to jump-start your car is one thing; needing him to sustain your happiness is another. You should want your man, not need him. Expressing a desire of need is doing a disservice to your independence and will most likely push him away.
3. “I don’t like your friends.”
So long as his friends have no negative effect on your relationship, there’s no sense in making waves just because you don’t vibe well with them. Sometimes relationships require sacrifices and this may be one of them.
4. “I need to use the bathroom.”
To be fair, saying, “I need to use the bathroom” is entirely acceptable. Perhaps I should be more specific/vulgar. Avoid telling your boyfriend that you need to take a sh*t. It’s a huge romance killer.
5. “I’m leaking.”
There’s absolutely nothing shameful about getting your period. You should never feel uneasy (aside from the cramps) about speaking openly about menstruation. However, men just generally don’t understand. I see no sense in speaking to them about it, let alone when something uncomfortable happens (that unfortunately ruins both your jeans and underwear).
6. “Your friend is really attractive.”
Contrary to not liking his friends, there may be a situation where you like his friends a little too much. He’s probably confident in both his looks and the love you share, but it’s not cool to force him to compare himself to someone he has a friendship with. Guys may be less jealous than women by nature, but that doesn’t mean a sentence like this wouldn’t bug him.
7. “My ex was really well-endowed.”
It’s not OK to put thoughts like this in your boyfriend’s head. Not saying this to your man is pretty obvious, but you never know what might come out of your mouth during moments of anger or even just complete openness.
9. “I hate my [insert body part].”
By declaring that you hate a certain part of your body, you’re putting your boyfriend in an uncomfortable situation. Chances are he thinks you’re beautiful and loves all of you, but it may be saddening to him to hear you say such things. As your boyfriend, he wants you to not only accept him, but yourself entirely.
10. “I have to tell you something about (best friend’s name) but you can’t tell anyone.”
Much like you have a certain sense of loyalty to your boyfriend, you should share that same loyalty with your best friend. Unless she happens to be in harm and the situation is beyond your control (meaning you need help), there’s no reason to spill any of her secrets. Sometimes things are just too juicy to keep to quiet about, but do yourself a favor and reflect in a diary or to your therapist.
11. “Are you really going to wear that?”
You don’t want your boyfriend commenting on your style choices, right? Well, you should return that same kindness to him. If you’re going to a black tie event and he has sweatpants on, then go right ahead and say something. Otherwise, it’s not worth the fight.