There are a thousand reasons to love being single — and we’ve covered a lot of them — but sometimes, you’re just over it. We empathize. Here are some of the things that drive us crazy:
1. Couples holding hands everywhere: How many of them you’ll see on any given day rises in relation to how lonely you happen to be feeling.
2. Couples slobbering all over each other on ..
3. Going weeks/months without sex: Your annual breast exam suddenly feels intimate.
4. Things that go bump in the night: Was that the dry cycle on the dishwasher kicking in or a serial killer?
5. The flu: Going to the drugstore when you have a fever is bullshit.
6. No one to tell you how hot you look: Except construction workers and your girlfriends.
7. Online dating: It’s like a part-time job. Who has the time??
8. Online dating fees: They add up. A nice new handbag would be a much more satisfying purchase. And then at least you’d have something to show for the $ you spent.
#9. Blind dates: Oh, the anticipation… and then you meet him. Is it rude to leave before he notices you?
10. Weddings: The slow dance. The bouquet toss. Being seated at the losers singles’ table.
11. Zipping up your dress by yourself: Ouch. Shoulder cramp.
12. Taking off your boots by yourself: Ouch. Back pain.
13. Fixing stuff:A girl shouldn’t have to unclog her own toilet.
14. Spiders: A girl shouldn’t have to kill things either.
15. Valentine’s Day.
16. Bills, rent, etc: At a minimum, you should have someone to go halfsies with you.
17. Cooking for one: Making chicken parmesan would be fun but ordering pizza – the practical choice – always ends up winning.
18. Masturbating: Boooooring. So mechanical at this point.
19. Watching something scary/sad/funny: Screaming, crying or laughing out loud when you’re alone just feels pathetic.