I was watching a performance of the musical “Dreamgirls” recently, and it brought up an important theme about not giving up on your dreams. Whether you have a dream, vision or just trying to find one, you have to remember how important it is to have someone in your life that will support and encourage your dream. That’s why as singles you have every right to be selective about whom you partner yourself with romantically. The last thing you want to do is sacrifice your purpose and dreams for your dating relationship. Here are three ways to tell if your date is a dream killer:
Many of us are pursuing our dreams from creative arts to new endeavors in entrepreneurship. Whatever your dream may be, does the person you’re dating know about it and do they show up? You can tell who’s for you and who’s not in terms of how they show support. Sometimes, it’s simply liking your dream’s page on social media, but in a world of technology, we can’t be too reliant on clicks, subscribes and likes. That support should be tangible in the form of physical and mental presence (i.e. coming to a show or your business).
Does the person you date always have an excuse for not showing up or are they in your front row? Are they happy to tell other people what you do or what you’re going after or do they hide that unique fact about you? Not everyone brought into our life was God sent, so it’s best to use discernment over emotions to figure out this person’s intentions.
Encouragement vs. Doubt
There’s power of death and life in our tongue; we have the potential to build up someone or tear them down with a simple word. How does your date or significant other talk to you—and more specifically—about your dream? Are they encouraging when you’re feeling discouraged about meeting those goals or do they more than often have nothing helpful to say? Don’t make excuses for a negative person who constantly downs what you’re doing.
If your dream is that important to you, you would not be able to just drop it and walk away. The right person for you is a partner to your vision and a helpmate to achieve it. Even if you two are in different career fields or interests, there shouldn’t be a present tone or undertone of belittling your dream. They may not understand it, but they see the life inside of you when you pursue your dreams, goals and visions. The right person will want to see your dreams fulfilled and do what they can to help you get there. Don’t continue to be with someone who makes you feel less than deserving or silly for going after something God has given you to do.
Competition in relationships is real and can cause rifts or breakups over time if the issues are not addressed. You may date someone who is slightly envious of how you grew up or how big your dreams are. They may not have their own dreams or even their own purpose because they aren’t sure yet. That unknowing can lead to competitive jealousy. Where there’s competition, there’s comparison. You have unique ideas, gifts and dreams, and so do they.
At the root of the issue tends to be self esteem, relating to our earlier points. Someone who doesn’t have much support or encouragement may feel slighted about your circumstances and may compete with you. Reassure them that what they have is special as well and lift them up in prayer. Selfish behavior has no place in a relationship, so hopefully they will come to a point where the competition ends. But if it doesn’t or it starts to negatively impact your goals, you have a decision to make.
Your purpose and dreams are important because they are keys to what is going to impact someone else’s life. God is invested in you in these areas, so why shouldn’t your mate? Careful observation of someone’s character and actions can reveal a lot, so be careful and treat your dreams, old and new, with care. People come and go, but purpose can be lifelong.