We all get angry from time to time. However, there is a time and place for outward emotional displays. While anger is a healthy emotion, it is also is a strong emotion, and it must be managed carefully.
“Anger is part of the survival mechanism of human beings. When faced with a threat — not unlike other animals — humans either run away or attack. Anger is the fuel behind that attack. But anger can also have the opposite effect and lead to our untimely demise…too much anger can cause heart attacks, precipitate debilitating work injuries, and facilitate risky s*xual behavior. Anger is truly a double-edged sword,” writes clinical psychologist and anger-management expert W. Doyle Gentry in Anger Management For Dummies.
Identify the . of your anger
Why are you angry? Sometimes the . of your anger isn’t what you think it is. You might believe that you’re angry at your friend because he borrowed an item of yours without asking, but the origin of your anger could be something else. Maybe you saw your friend flirting with your spouse and you’ve been burning with rage for days. Once you’ve gotten to the bottom of things, make every effort to address the real problem. Don’t go on pretending everything is fine. Something will eventually cause you to erupt, and the result may not be pretty. Do yourself — and those who spend time with you — a favor and deal with your issue before things get out of control.
“There is always something more that feeds the anger than what is observed on the surface. Angry people may appear strong, willful, or certain, but be assured that beneath the veneer are fear and loneliness and insecurity and pain. Especially, there is pain. Whether they admit it or not, angry people are hurt people, and they have somehow come to believe that they can resolve their own pain . inflicting pain on others. Their reasoning is usually subconscious; nonetheless, each time anger is misapplied, it is a reflection of a deep wound that longs to be healed,” writes Dr. Les Carter in The Anger Trap.
When you’re in the thick of things, it’s easy to just go with whatever emotion you’re feeling. Restrain yourself from flying off the handle and give yourself a few minutes to take a step back and gather your thoughts. If that means you have to leave the room, then do it. If possible, remove yourself from the situation and come back when you’re in a better frame of mind. Otherwise, words may be exchanged that you can never take back. Speaking in anger can harm a relationship to the point where the damage is irreparable.
Learn to forgive
Refusing to forgive can eat away at your emotions and cause anger to build up over time. When you hold on to thoughts and feelings . to how someone betrayed you, it becomes very difficult to live your best life. Before you can truly be happy, you have to let go of the bitter fruit that is unforgiveness.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward,” says Dr. Steve Maraboli in Unapologetically You.
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