What ARE you supposed to do when he pulls away?
1. Take a chill pill.
Okay, I know this advice sounds glib, but it’s truly not meant in that spirit. Often what we perceive as a serious problem with distance in our relationship will shake itself out over time, particularly if we allow him space. Relationships ebb and flow, so freaking out doesn’t make anyone love you more.
2. Acknowledge your fears, but don’t act on them.
Just because you sense a rift forming between you and your man doesn’t mean that you’re required to launch into action. I understand the fear that if you don’t act, then he’ll leave, but even though you’re feeling afraid, doing things that act out that fear isn’t the answer.
Fear is a relationship killer, because when we give into it, we spiral. When we let those monsters under our bed come out to ., we risk treating him like he’s done something wrong, making mountains out of molehills and REALLY causing a problem — even if his distance was actually minor or temporary.
And if there IS a big problem, we make it worse. Since when does being afraid equal devotion or a better relationship? Never.
All fear gets us is suspicion, fault finding and a race toward a deeper problem. Fear lies to us.
3. Take time to focus on making yourself happy.
When we are in fix-it mode we’re thinking all about him, hoping to change what’s happening and how to make the pain we’re feeling go away. We usually AREN’T thinking about making ourselves genuinely happy separately from him, or considering how we could use this time to make ourselves feel good no matter what. Focusing on ourselves might feel like the exact opposite of what we want to do.
Centering yourself and showing yourself the love you feel like you’re missing right now is the only way to get your attractive mojo back. Insecurity is not an aphrodisiac for him, but getting your center back IS.
A man is attracted to your essence, not your attempts to fix him or force the relationship in the way you want it to go in. If it’s truly coming to an end, letting your fear take the wheel won’t make it better, but getting back to who you are if you’ve lost yourself in the relationship always helps