Being a man, you come across and befriend other men of all kinds. Some are career centered, some are women centered, and the rest are just trying to enjoy life to the fullest. Every man is different, but when it comes to marriage, its very easy to notice those that aren’t ready for marriage. But if you don’t look closely, you can be easily fooled. Here are 4 traits that can be overlooked, if not intentionally looked for, that reveal a man that isn’t ready for marriage.
Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. Proverbs 12:15
The bible states in the book of James, a double minded person is unstable in all their ways. A double minded man is unstable in his character and feelings which ultimately results in him not being able to make sound decisions. Good decision-making is a necessary trait needed by a man desiring marriage. As a husband, he will be responsible to lead, provide, and protect his family. When a man is double minded, he will lack the confidence to be secure in his ability to lead well. Today you will find those who cannot commit to one woman in a relationship, has a hard time keeping a job, or lacks motivation to complete tasks is struggling with double mindedness. If he doesn’t obtain mentors, wise friends, or pastoral support, a man can easily isolate himself which inhibits him from dealing with this issue.
The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble. Proverbs 17:20
Honesty, trust, and transparency are pivotal ingredients for a healthy relationship. A man that lacks these will be sneaky, telling half truths and living alternate lives just to keep you from learning the real him. A man ready for marriage will desire to hold nothing back from you, for he will not be ashamed for you to learn the real him. A sneaky man may even try to turn the tables on you because he knows he can’t be trusted, ultimately not trusting you. This requires an acknowledgment of the need for accountability on all levels to see this issue resolved.
2 Thessalonians 3:6-10 states, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and do not follow the tradition they received from us. For you know that you ought to imitate us. We were not idle when we were with you. We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you.”
The church at Thessalonica was a church full of young, new believers. Each epistle written by the Apostle Paul addressed each churches specific challenges and those issues needing to be focused on. We see him here addressing that issue of laziness. He encourages them to stay away from any believer that is not living according to the tradition they had set in place. That tradition was simply working hard. Those being called out were not just sitting at home doing nothing with their time, but later in the passage he addresses them meddling in others people business. In verse 11 Paul says, “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business.” This makes it clear that they were not living their life’s on purpose, but wasting God’s given time on selfish gain. A man that is lazy, is not ready to marry!
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19
A man’s ability to be patient in marriage will make or break key moments in the relationship. This was something I had to learn before I got married because I saw how easily frustrated I became when things didn’t go my way. I had to ask God to help me in this area because I knew I would need to be able to control myself during high conflict moments with my wife. Now being married, I thank God he brought this to my attention before marriage. We have encountered times that my wife said out of her mouth, “Babe, thank you for being patient with me even when I knew you could have become frustrated”. If a man cannot control his anger then marriage will be very challenging.