So before you get all mushy, and love sweeps you off your feet, let’s be armed with 5 questions to ask before you walk down that aisle.
1. If someone asks my intended spouse about me, would his/her description fit my true personality?
Your guy’s friends have put him on the hot seat. Who’s she? What’s she like? Is she the one? Are you ready to settle? Let the person he knows be the same person everywhere else. Be yourself, don’t change for any man in the name of relationship because once you get married you would be keeping up appearances.
2. What are the top five (5) major goals you want to achieve in your new family?
Every new marriage has a clean slate to build its own nuclear family which ultimately becomes a subset of society. What values do you want to see in your new family? What are the things you cannot compromise on? Think deeply about it. When you daydream about your ideal family, what does it look like and what steps are you willing to take to achieve that and is your husband to be on the same page with you about it or at least 80% in support?
3. How many children do you want?
This might seem like a silly question but guess what? It has caused a lot of strain on so many marriages. Are you going to have two (2) kids irrespective of their s*x or you are going to keep trying……Then the man feels trapped with too many children. Too much fees to pay or is he going to keep asking for a boy. Or you are both cool with whatever the Almighty gives so long as they are healthy. Or one party may not even want children.
4. Training techniques on raising children?
Spear the rod and spoil the Child, the Holy Book says. But your spouse says, don’t touch my child! Discuss how you want to discipline your children especially at different stages of development. Both of you need to be a team, not in competition because children can sometimes use emotional psychology and do divide and rule for mummy and daddy so you have to be ready. What mummy says, daddy also says.
5. If you want in-laws from either family to live with you? If yes, what is the duration?
In-laws hold a special place in our hearts. You are the first child and you’ve been a guardian to your siblings. The last girl is in Unilag while the others are not in Lagos. She lived with you while you were single. Is she going to move in with you? What is “le boo” saying? Are there any alternative arrangements? Think of one. Make a rule and stick to it. If any family member comes from either family, agree on the longest time they can stay but don’t be biased if the need arises for your own family.