Starting over with a new beau can be a stressful time when one thing after another seems to point straight back to his former lady love. If you’re not sure if your boyfriend or fiancé is still gaga for his ex-girl, here are five signs you need to watch out for:
1. He speaks positively of her
Fond memories are one thing, but if your new guy talks about his old girl like they were canoodling just yesterday you may have a problem on your hands. Watch your partner’s eyes, smile and body language when he talks or even thinks about his ex. If he looks like he’s going into a pleasant daydream and disconnects from you to attach to what he used to have, it may be time to discuss the reality of the relationship; because he’s not all there.
2. He speaks negatively of her
The opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference. If your man is still reeling over something his ex did or said that is so infuriating he feels the need to bring it up and bring it in to what you two have now, this is a major red flag. Having intense feelings on either end is not good for a new relationship. He needs to get over everything that happened with her before he can fully be with you.
3. He compares you to her – a lot!
If you remind your man of his ex in a good or bad way, watch out. This may not be because he’s still into her, but can still have a negative effect on your relationship. More importantly, if he outright mentions her in comparison to you on more than a few occasions, this is an indication he is thinking about her when he’s with you.
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4. He refuses to talk about her – at all!
Some things don’t need to be revisited, but when it comes to past relationships being open about what went right, what went wrong, and how you have grown from it is essential to moving forward in a healthier manner. If he clams up completely, this could be a sign he doesn’t want to let buried feelings surface for fear of losing control.
5. He keeps mementos
We are all guilty of holding onto trinkets and gifts from past relationships a little too long. A love letter here or a cassette tape there (remember those?!) is probably alright. But if you find a box full of memories stuffed under his bed or in the back of his closet – out of sight but close enough to rummage through regularly – it’s time to open those old wounds and find out if they’ve really healed.
If you’re staring a few of these factors in the face and they sound all too familiar, take a step back and really see where you and your partner stand. Talk to him about his true feelings and see if he opens up. You have a good chance to make it if he’s calm and considerate in the conversation. If he shuts down or acts hostile at your insistence on seeing this issue through, there is likely a misplacing of emotions that is keeping him from being totally honest with you. If this is a relationship worth working for, you may need some outside resources to help resolve things amicably. If you feel OK walking away without any of the baggage he brings, do so with your head held high. And make sure the next guy only has eyes for you!