Rebound s3x is a surprisingly healthy way to get over breakups and exes. But what makes it work so well? And how do you get it? Here are 5 things that make it good.
I used to have a poor opinion of rebound s3x.
That’s a hookup someone has soon after he exits an old relationship.
I’d see girls hook up with someone on the rebound… Or have a girl hook up with me on it. And in the back of my head I’d say, “Ugh. She completely lacks emotion control.”
After all, if you have good control of your own emotions, what need is there for you to go and have rebound s3x with someone fresh just to get over an ex?
Yet as time’s worn on, my opinion’s changed. The science has come in on rebounds too. And the verdict is that not only is a rebound not a bad thing… It is in fact useful to help you move on sooner.
Also, as I found once I’d used it myself a few times, finding someone to sleep with you after you’ve just left a relationship is perhaps one of the easiest ways to get laid this world has to offer. And that’s certainly nothing to sneeze at.
Rebound S3x is Good
Rebound s3x is s3x used to get over an ex, get revenge on an ex, or just feel better about oneself after a breakup. It’s often with a stranger, it’s used by both men and women, and the one who gets dumped is more likely to use rebound s3x than the one who does the dumping.
My first personal experience with rebound s3x came via an ex-girlfriend of mine.
I was young, and I’d mismanaged the end of that relationship. The result was that I’d taken a beautiful, confident girl and quite thoroughly dragged her self-esteem through the mud. I felt awful about it, and I’ve since learned to be much more careful in how I run my relationships with girls, as well as how I end them. Nevertheless, at the time I’d ended things in a painful way for this ex-girlfriend.
I discovered later that she’d gone out and had rebound s3x and jumped into a rebound relationship soon after we cut ties. And at first, it jarred me: here was this girl I thought of as someone with such high standards, and she just… jumped into bed with the next guy in line?
It felt as if I’d been cheated. If she was this easy to bed, maybe she was never girlfriend-quality in the first place. Perhaps I’d wasted all my time on the wrong girl.
But what I discovered was that her rebound was a catharsis for her. It helped her rebuild her self-esteem after things ended with me. It provided reassurance to her that someone still wanted her. Further, the man she rebounded with was a sweet guy who took time to listen to all her emotional problems, all the sticky details of our former relationship, and everything else she needed to talk his ear off about to grieve and get over.
The rebound really was a ‘rebound’: it helped her bounce back.
I’ve since become a big fan of rebound s3x myself. Any time you part ways with a girlfriend, and it feels a little sad – go out and get a rebound.
It doesn’t cure all your ails, but it sure helps. If you want your motto to be “I don’t chase ‘em, I replace ‘em,” instead of something more like, “My baby dumped me, now I gotta get her back!” I suggest you get comfortable with rebounds too.
The Science on Rebounds
Before we talk tactics, I’d like to delve into the research on rebounds. There isn’t a whole lot available… But what there is, is good.
Researchers from the University of Missouri found, in a study titled “Rebound S3x: S3xual Motives and Behaviors Following a Relationship Breakup”, that:
“The present study used a longitudinal, online diary method to examine trajectories of psychological recovery and s3xual experience following a romantic relationship breakup among 170 undergraduate students. Consistent with popular beliefs about rebound and revenge s3x, having s3x to cope with distress and to get over or get back at the ex-partner were elevated immediately following the breakup and then declined over time, as did the probability of having s3x with a new partner. Also consistent with popular lore, those who were “dumped” by their partners were more distressed and angry and more likely to have s3x to cope and to get back at or get over their ex-partner. Finally, individuals who reported having s3x to cope with negative feelings or to get over their ex-partner at the beginning of the study were more likely to have s3x with a stranger and to continue having s3x with new partners over time. Results were discussed in terms of widely held but largely untested beliefs about rebound and revenge s3x.”
- Two types of post-breakup s3x: revenge s3x and rebound s3x
- People who felt dumped were more likely to have rebound/revenge s3x
- People who needed a rebound tended to look for new partners, not exes
The definitions break down thus:
- Revenge s3x is when you want to stick it to your ex, make your ex jealous, or otherwise ‘show’ him or her
- Meanwhile, classic rebound s3x is when you just want to shake off the bad emotions from a tough, draining breakup
Oftentimes, rebound s3x contains elements of both revenge and rebound motivations.
These researchers also discovered the dumped partner experiences far greater distress and is much more likely to engage in rebound s3x than the partner who does the dumping.
And they discovered a more committed partner is less likely to have rebound s3x after a breakup. However, if she does engage in it, it’s more likely to be from a desire to handle her bad emotions.
In another study, this conducted by researchers at Queens College and the University of Illinois and titled “Too fast, too soon? An empirical investigation into rebound relationships”, found this:
“A “rebound relationship” is commonly understood as a relationship that is initiated shortly after a romantic breakup—before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved. However, little research has examined the consequences of quickly beginning new romantic relationships after another has ended. In two studies we examined people who experienced a breakup and assessed their well-being, their feelings about their ex-partner, and whether they were seeing someone new. Analyses indicated that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner. Among those in new relationships, the speed with which they began their relationship was associated with greater psychological and relational health. Overall, these findings suggest that rebound relationships may be more beneficial than typically believed.”
The keys here being the bolded portion:
- People in rebound relationships were more confident of their desirability and moved on better from their ex-partners, and
- The faster one jumps into a rebound relationship, the better one’s psychological and relational health is
So, rebounds make you feel good, let you move on, and the faster you start them, the better.
All some pretty darn good advantages, if you ask me.
Why are Rebounds so Good?
Rebounds are pretty darn satisfying.
The main value of a rebound seems to be that it lets you clear away doubt.
You’ve been in this relationship. It’s ended. Now you have to figure out:
- Was it because I’m not good enough?
- Am I going to be alone forever?
- Do I even remember how to get dates or get laid?
Further, you can have negative emotions, like disbelief or betrayal, at a partner having walked away from you. “I sunk all that time into her and she just walked?”
All these emotions are assuaged to greater or lesser extent through rebound s3x and/or a rebound relationship.
A rebound gets your mind off your ex, it gets you in bed with a new partner, and it shakes you out of nostalgia for what was and forces you into the present with what is.
Those who don’t rebound are more likely to carry emotional dead weight with them. They sit by and ponder the failure of their relationships; wonder why it had to be that way; speculate whether they’ll be alone forever or find someone else… Or not.
The rebounder has no time for this. He springs into action and goes and takes someone else to bed.
There are still questions to answer after this. A rebound doesn’t cure everything.
However, it clears some of those questions out of the way immediately, with proof.
No, you’re not going to be alone forever; you just had s3x, after all.
Yes, you know how to get dates and get laid (clearly).
Now, you’re free to focus on the quality problems: can I find someone else like my ex?
Or even, can I find someone better?
How to Get Rebound S3x
Goes without saying for most girls.
The typical girl has guys waiting in the wings. They may not be her ideal guys (the ideal man doesn’t wait around too long), but they’re okay guys. That’s why she let them hang around, after all.
Men are generally pretty good at sniffing out a woman’s availability. If a girl leaves a relationship and is on the rebound, it typically does not take long before a few suitable candidates present themselves.
And in the worst case scenario, where the men around her aren’t available, won’t take her “I’m available” hints, or she doesn’t have men around her for some reason or another, there’s always bars and clubs… which are happy to provide women with endless rebound opportunities.
But what if you’re a guy?
Surely it’s not as easy for men?
Well… This is true, of course. If you’re a girl, you put yourself out there a little bit, act a little sad, tell guys your boyfriend left you, and suddenly 10 horny men are beating each other with sticks to console you in body and mind.
It’s not as simple if you’re a guy. You still have to do the work.
However, being fresh out of a relationship and on the rebound is one of the easiest conditions you can be in to meet a girl and get fast s3x. The only thing that might be faster and easier is vacation s3x.
Here’s how it works:
You go out, you talk to girls, and when they ask you if you have a girlfriend, or why you’re single, you tell them, “We just broke up.”
Simple as that. Why’s it work? Five (5) reasons:
- Girls prefer men other women want. It’s a phenomenon called ‘preselection’ colloquially, or ‘mate-choice copying’ in the scientific literature, and it’s robust. There are a million factors a woman has to assess to figure out if you really are as desirable as you say you are (or not… or more), and she can’t possibly hope to evaluate them all in anything close to a short amount of time. Preselection simplifies her decision-making; she gets to say “Other women have already evaluated this man, and they like him.” And if she knows you have or had a girlfriend, you gain instant preselection.
- Yet you create no moral dilemma. Single women find attached men more attractive. They rate them as physically better looking and s3xually more desirable. Attached men are preselected men. Yet, there’s a catch: while some single women have no qualms about going for attached men (and some women even prefer attached men), there are plenty of single women who feel a squeeze when they think about this. Yes, he’s more attractive… but he’s also some girl’s guy. Or yes, he’s attractive, but there’s no future there, because he’s with someone else. When you’re just out of a relationship, you get the ‘attached bonus’, without the baggage of actually being attached. All the pluses, none of the minuses.
- There’s a good reason for your availability. Girls will often wonder why a man is ‘on the market’. If you’re single and looking, why? Is it because there’s something wrong with you? Other women don’t want to date you? You scare off any girl who comes in contact with you? What’s the catch? This one ties back into preselection too, because if you can communicate a good reason why you’re available, she drops her guard. Some of the best reasons include that you’ve just moved to that city or country; you’re on vacation there; or you’ve just broken up.
- You also trigger scarcity. We’ve discussed scarcity and its power in courtship before. If you are scarce, you’re more attractive. However, normal scarcity also comes with attainability problems built-in, which makes it a little tricky to use. Act scarcer, and she may start to think she cannot get you, and quit trying. But make yourself too available, and you’re not so interesting to her. When you’ve just exited a relationship, you are someone who was formerly scarce, yet now is available… But, she must assume, who is only available for a limited time. If you have relationships, she has to assume you’ll probably be back in a relationship sooner or later. The next time she talks to you you may already be in another one, in fact. You’re available, but only right now. Usually you’re off the market. That makes you an in-demand commodity that she needs to decide in the moment whether she’ll snap up or leave on the shelf for the next girl to pick. And one of the things girls like least in the world to miss out on a great bargain to savvier competition.
- You may trigger her desire to nurture. Not all women, but many of them, have a desire to nurture the broken man or wounded hero. It’s a sort of reverse Superman Syndrome, and it’s the basis behind the appeal of Byronic flaws and romantic heroes. If she senses you are an attractive man, yet you are (currently) vulnerable, you can often immediately become even more attractive to her… As she comes to want to ‘save’ you.
The attractiveness of the attached man, without the moral dilemma of her sticking her nose into an extant relationship… A legitimate reason for him to be single and looking, a clear urgency to her need to hook up with him, and a draw to make her want to nurture and heal him. These five (5) reasons together make rebound s3x some of the easiest s3x you will ever get.
Not only is it good for you, but it’s about the most straightforward s3x you’ll get.
Don’t Despair; Rebound
So, we know that rebound s3x and rebound relationships are good.
We know that those who’ve been dumped are more likely to want/need rebound (or revenge) s3x, and that those who are on the rebound tend to look for new partners, not old ones or exes.
We know people who go into rebound relationships come out more confident in their own desirability and move on more fully from their exes, and that the faster one you leap into that rebound, the better your mental and relational health will be.
Faster rebounds = faster breakup recovery.
Rebound s3x removes many of the fears and self-doubts a breakup instills. It shows you you won’t be alone forever, you can get laid and find a companion, and you are still desirable.
And if you’re a girl, men will typically start lining up as soon as they know you’re freshly available. If you’re a guy, this happens to you too, although you’ve got to do a little more work to advertise it and move things forward.
Being on the rebound is one of the easiest times for men to get laid, simply because you get that preselection boost without the moral dilemma of being attached, you have a good reason for your availability, there’s urgency to a girl selecting you, and you trigger a woman’s desire to nurture.
So, the next time you’re fresh out of a relationship, don’t sit around and mope… If you know what’s good for you.
Instead, get out there and get a rebound. It’ll get you back on your feet romantically and do a host of good things for you.
I’ve become a believer, after previously not having been. You don’t even need to be dumped; if you’re the one doing the breaking up, rebounds are still worthwhile for moving on immediately and clearing away any of your, “Should I have ended that relationship? Should I go get her back?” second thoughts.
I suggest you give it a whirl, if you weren’t already sold on rebounds. They help clarify an otherwise convoluted situation – and that’s always a good thing.