You love your husband, and he loves you.
However, you both are human beings and make mistakes, even when it comes to the things you say or share with each other. Arguments happen, and you get frustrated. Sometimes it’s as simple as you are cranky or tired and don’t realize you are treating the person you love the most a little poorly.
While arguments in a marriage are completely normal, it may surprise you to know your words can have a lasting effect on your husband, just how his words affect you.
Here are 5 surprising things you may say to your husband that are actually hurting him and should be avoided if you want him to feel appreciated and loved.
“You should change your shirt.”
Just like you, your husband has a unique style he likes to dress himself in. For all of us, style is a way we define ourselves with clothing and a way to showcase our personality. Some men put less thought into style; it is more function than fashion to them.
At the same time, consistently and constantly telling your husband to change his shirt, pants or anything else he wears could hurt his feelings and self-esteem and make it seem that by not liking his shirt you actually don’t like the way he looks.
If you really don’t like a certain shirt or pair of pants he wears, go out of your way to compliment the items of clothing you do like. That way, he has a positive association with those items of clothing and is more likely to wear them.
“Is this all you did?”
Some people have the capability to accomplish many tasks in a short amount of time, while others do not. Maybe you can feed the kids, do some work, talk to friends and do the laundry all in a matter of hours, but that is YOU.
If your husband happens to take all day finishing one task don’t say, “That’s all you did?” or, “That’s it?” Not only does that make him feel incompetent and slow, but it also tells him that the one task he did accomplish isn’t good enough. Soon he might not have motivation to finish anything at all. Always support and compliment your husband and the things he does for you and your family.
“You should start working out.”
How would you feel of your husband told you this? In reality, nobody wants to be told to go to the gym because that is synonymous with, “You probably need to loose some weight.”
Instead of blurting, “You should start working out,” encourage the idea of both you and him being more active. Suggest night or morning walks together, or let him know YOU are joining a gym and ask if he would like to accompany you.
Hey, nobody is fine. Fine is usually a filler word for deeper emotions, especially when it comes to arguments.
When you say, “I’m fine” or, “It’s fine” to your husband when you are clearly not, it will usually make him feel you don’t trust him enough to share your true emotions. It will also frustrate him. And when you finally do talk openly and honestly about what is bothering you, it could turn the discussion into a large and drawn-out ordeal. Do yourself and your husband a favor and communicate. He really does want to know what’s going on inside your head and your heart.
Intimacy is not always a priority for every wife, especially after a long day of kids, work and whatever else popped up. But guess what? Your husband thinks you’re hot, and he wants you, no matter how tired he even is.
Rebuking his advances could make him feel like you aren’t attracted to him and make him feel frustrated and lonely. Make intimacy a priority for both you and your husband, and if there are nights when you really just aren’t in the mood, kindly let him know why and give him some extra hugs and kisses so he knows you still love him physically and emotionally.
Sometimes we may not understand how statements we often use can be hurting our spouse. However, these seemingly insignificant phrases can have lasting and hurtful effects and should be avoided.
Nobody is perfect. We are all learning. But now is the time to end these bad habits and show your husband how much you truly love him.