Blow his mind, woman.
Most women want to know how to please their men — in and out of bed. But guys aren’t always so verbal about what they need. Try these five strategies to please your man, sexually and otherwise. Once you get the ball rolling and start figuring out the keys on how to please your man, you’ll start noticing he becomes more generous as a lover, and your relationship will become much more pleasurable as a whole.
1. Initiate, but read his cues.
Most men love when women initiate s*x. But at the same time, be aware that he might not always be in the mood. So pay attention to his cues and when you sense he might be in the mood, seize the moment and initiate intimacy. It takes a lot of courage to initiate s*x, but if your relationship is strong enough, you can get vulnerable and choose not to take it personally if he isn’t up for s*x when you are.
Choose your timing wisely. If he is watching the big game, don’t try to get frisky while he is engrossed in his favorite sport. Instead, tease him a bit during commercial breaks — bring him a fresh beer during a commercial break, wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. Then go about your business and watch the clock.
As soon as the game is over, go for it. Did his team win? Help him celebrate. Did they lose? Ask him if there is anything you can do to cheer him up. Think about how you like s*x initiated and then give him the same respect — pay attention to his moods and offer intimacy in a way that lets him know that you see and appreciate what is going on in his world.
2. Broaden the range of pleasure.
Intercourse is an intense s*xual act — you have to really be in the mood for penetration to enjoy it. But master the art of using your hands to suspend your man in pure pleasure, and you’ll be able to satisfy him way more often. A lot of women scoff at handjobs because we aren’t very confident. We assume men know how to touch themselves way better than we’ll ever be able to, so we just avoid it.
Ladies, choose to master the art of manual stimulation and a whole new world of pleasure can open up! He’ll love being able to relax and receive your touch. If he tries to reach for you, playfully slap his hands away and say “Tonight it’s all about you, honey!”
Don’t just think about handjobs as a lame substitute for intercourse — your hands are the best s*x tools ever invented and can give him sensations unavailable in any other s*x act. Skilled handjobs are also the key to learning how to extend his pleasure so he can last longer in bed, as you create peaks and valleys of arousal and keep him suspended in pleasure.
3. Make room for the masculine.
There are a lot of different kinds of masculinity, but they all need room to thrive and be expressed. Give him room, both in your relationship and in your home, to express his masculinity. A lot of guys need permission to claim the space to be who they are. Give him the gift of acknowledging his need to be a dude once in awhile without being shamed for it.
If your house doesn’t have enough room to make space for a “man cave” then make sure he has a say in how your home is decorated. Maybe there is room for one bookshelf where he can proudly display his collections. Give him time as well as space — make sure he knows you support him in spending nights out with his guy friends (giving you time for cherished alone time or a night with your girls!).
Once in awhile, plan a date around his interests — a ball game, a monster car rally, a boxing match. Step into his world and let him fully express who he is as a man. Allow yourself to get turned on by his enthusiasm, even if it isn’t your thing to watch men pummel each other.
4. Own your pleasure.
Learning how to please your man in bed isn’t all about his pleasure — it is also about yours! Most men are generous by nature and want their women to be sexually satisfied. You can’t avoid taking responsibility for your own pleasure by focusing on him all the time. Take control of your own body and make sure he knows how to please you.
Confront any issues that are holding you back from enjoying oral pleasure and then invite him to go down more often. Guys love seeing women in the throes of pleasure, so it is up to you to discover how you are most able to get aroused and experience climaxes so you can then share that pleasure with him. A fully satisfying s*x life is possible for everyone. You just need to take the time and energy to focus on your own pleasure. You are worth it!
5. Express your desire.
Start cultivating a relationship where you can freely express your desires to one another. Each relationship has a unique culture, and you are both responsible for creating the culture you want to experience.
Want more praise and gratitude? Start by telling him when you are grateful. A few kind words go a long way towards making him feel appreciated. Do you take one another for granted? Start giving him compliments and telling him why he is special to you.
All too often, couples fall into the rut of being domestic partners and parents together and forget to also be lovers and best friends. Think back to the early days of your relationship and how you treated one another, and then try to cultivate an atmosphere of love, gratitude and praise. Men (and women!) like to feel appreciated, special and understood. Make sure you are pleasing him out of bed — and notice if it helps you create more heat in the bedroom!
editor’s note: this article is for the married couple.