When men go hunting, they are either looking for a lady to flirt with or a woman to love. This reality, however, does not explain why men dump women as stories on why men dump women are always complicated. Let’s leave that story for another day and go straight to the list.
1. He only wanted to flirt with you.
2. There is another woman.
3. He realised you are not what he thought you were.
4. He could no longer endure your excesses (over dependence, character problem, jealousy, dominating disposition etc).
5. You don’t suit his class or meet his expectations.
6. You deny him s*x.
Whatever might be the case with you, I am not interested in that; I am more concerned about how you can get the next one to stay. Note that what you are about to read might not go down with you but it is worth the effort. I really want you to have a stable and healthy relationship. So please, do not be like the over weight lady who want to lose weight but didn’t stop eating too much. Let’s get started.
How to get your next boyfriend to stay
The following points are very crucial points. They may not guarantee a stable and healthy relationship 100%, but if you adopt and use them, be sure that you are on the right track to becoming a better woman with strong-will and high emotional intelligence.
Step 1: Look before you leap
Get this straight: all men are liars until proven otherwise. Moving around with this mindset keep you mentally prepared to take control of your emotions and what may influence it. Do not allow the care, attention, affection, ever flowing complements and all the gestures from this new guy sweep you off your feet. Ladies are easily carried away by this. When they are given the drug of too much attention, affection, care and complements over and over again, they begin to melt and seemingly lose the ability to think straight. This is very important. All those charms are acting like a drug. The brain has a pleasure centre which when stimulated, produce endorphins – the neurotransmitters that make you feel good. When you are awashed with too much of what feels good, your ability to think rationally is automatically altered.
The guy trying to woo you into going out with him may be attractive, sweet, affectionate or what ever you chose to see in him; but remember, that is not what you are looking for. You are looking for someone who will stay. He might be romantic, but his intentions might be evil. He might be another gangster who is only interested in flirting with you and nothing more. To be at a safer side, think of him as a flirt and his charms as the tool he is trying to use in wooing you to his bed and then break your heart.
From a distance, assess his advances. By his fruit, you will know him. Is he acting like a flirt or a gentleman? Is he respecting your personal space or he is the type that want to get intimate almost immediately? What about his dressing and the kind of language and words he use? What is he really attracted to in you. You can tell a lot about people’s intentions towards you by identifying what they chose to see in you. Know this today, there is nothing like “love at first sight.” There can be attraction at first sight but certainly not love. Be careful with the guy that claim he is madly in love with you, giving some unrealistic explanation of what you mean to him when he barely even know you.
Step 2: Dig deeper
This is what most girls fail to observe before accepting a man into their lives. They rush to accept that romantic guy without knowing anything about him. When you ask what they know about their new boyfriend, all they will tell you is “he is tall, dark or maybe fair, handsome and above all very romantic.” A lady once said “in fact, I did not just fall in love but summersaulted in love.” That same lady was dumped six months later and suffered a terrible heart break. No matter how much you desire this new guy, give yourself time to dig deep and don’t hesitate to ignore him for the rest of your life if you find out that he is not genuine.
But if you find out that he is a gentleman and genuine after all your assessments, you can accept to go out on a date with him (it doesn’t mean you’ve accepted his proposal. Spell it clearly to him). On your date(s), ask questions about his values and beliefs on matters as religion, gender roles and responsibilities. Ask about his fears, hobbies and interest; then listen to the expository speech about himself. Also Get to know the kind of friends he keep.
If he is the kind of person you really want to be involve with, take your time, then tell him yes. You can add some creativity to how you go about doing it.
The relevance of taking your time to assess him and dig deep can never be over emphasised. It has the power to change every negative impression he might have formed about you.
3. Set boundaries and spell them out clearly
Do not be in a haste to go intimate with this new love. Set boundaries and spell them to him clearly. It should include: no intimacy and no s*x. “But if I do that, I may lose him,” you may say. The response to that statement is yes, you may. But then, think of it this way – if this new love loses interest in you just because you refuse to go intimate with him, what does that say about the nature of his interest? Real men love challenges and they value everything they acquire through hard work. If he truly love you, he will stay. Isn’t true love what you are looking for?
To achieve your goal, fight the temptation of seeing each other every day and be sure you protect your personal space. Get to know each other very well before going intimate. Going intimate means revealing the good part of you, the not so good parts, and the ugly parts. Intimacy should be grounded on trust. Slow down until you trust your partner will treat you and everything you’ve got with care and respect. This is the end of this article but the beginning of how to make him stay. Take note of that.
These principles are not easy to practice as they may seem. Most people will need the guidance of a professional because their case might not be in this sequence or they may encounter a difficult situation beyond their capacity to handle.
About the writer
Sarki Gadah is a Psychologist and a writer. For free consultation: [email protected]. Twitter: @psycheNigeria
Good morning. I trust you had a good night rest.