Little habits can make a big impact on your marriage.
Things you never thought about when single, and don’t really need to mind with your friends, can sneak up on you and drive a huge wedge between you and your partner.
Read: The No. 1 cause of divorce may not be what you think
So take these little tidbits of wisdom to heart before you tear what you have to shreds.
Marriage means major decisions get made by the both of you.
No making purchases that affect the other person without consulting them first. Maybe you’ve got that one down, but how about those smaller buys, or little decisions?
If you have a habit of buying, selling or deciding on the fly, even for small things, without letting your spouse know, you may be unwittingly undercutting his confidence in your partnership.
Make a phone call, send a text, tweet a pic. Just do something however small to let your spouse know you have them in mind when deciding to buy.
Little white lies
Saving face and keeping the peace often comes with a price.
Little white lies can slowly, but surely, destroy your husband’s faith in your words. This can also soon have him second guessing you, or, worse, tuning you out completely.
You can be nice and honest at the same time, but if only one is possible, it’s best to leave the lid on the lying box. Once opened, it may never fully be closed.
Even if what you’re insisting on actually does need to be done, constant whiny reminders will do little to inspire love at the end of the day.
Nag-tag, or the nag and ignore game, can wreak havoc on a marriage because necessary items won’t be tackled when they should be just as a show of power. If it needs to be said more than twice, re-think your strategy, or get someone else to take on the undone task.
Read: 7 things lousy husbands have in common
Cutting off your partner in conversation is not only annoying, it shows a lack of respect for them and a lack of control in yourself.
The message you are sending your spouse, and anyone else in the room, is essentially: “What I say and think is more important or interesting than what you say or think.”
It might be hard to keep this under control when conversations become lively or large, but if you do find yourself cutting in, excuse yourself, apologize and ask permission to continue.
Be careful with correction!
Make sure your spouse knows you are not questioning his or her intelligence, and there is no intent to show up, embarrass, or put him down. And of course, make sure any correction you attempt to make is actually accurate. No sense in starting trouble over nothing.
Use qualifiers like “I think,” “I heard,” or “I read a study” instead of “You’re wrong, this is how it is.” As this won’t be taken well no matter how accurate the information is.
If you find your spouse unable to finish a sentence without you interrupting his thought, it’s time to take a breather and decide if your information or your marriage is more important.
Do not compare your spouse to other people.
There is almost no way to perceive this positively, and without an air of criticism. Your partner is who he is, you are who you are, and it is unfair to ask them to be more like someone else.
Instead, ask him to build the kind of marriage you want to have with him. If this means more compassion, support, effort, etc., then he knows it’s about the both of you having what you need, not other people having what you don’t.
Mind what you say and how you behave toward the one you love. Think about how you feel when these things are done to you; not just once in a while, but consistently over time. Resentments built up and can rupture with little provocation. So keep these harmless habits under wraps.