by Jillian Kramer
Newlywed sex can be racy and super-hot. But to keep that fire roaring for the rest of your lives, our sex therapist expert shares that there are a few rules you should follow from the very start of your marriage.
Here, she shares six rules for the best newlywed sex.
1. Keep up the kissing.
Your partner could once gave you butterflies with a simple peck on the lips, so don’t let your love of a good smooch or full-on makeout session fade.
“At the beginning of a relationship, couples often enjoy deep kissing — an act that often subsides over time,” says Rachel Needle, Psy.D, clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist based in West Palm Beach, Florida. “Continuing to hug, kiss, and snuggle is an important component of a healthy relationship, and will increase the likelihood of remaining sexually active with your long-term partner.”
2. Stay open about your sexual desires.
You should do more than moan and groan when it comes to your partner’s bedroom moves.
“Be sure to communicate what it is you like and what feels good and pleasurable, as well as talk about your fantasies,” says Needle. “Taking that risk and being vulnerable can lead to increased closeness and excitement.”
Not only will this kind of sexy talk up your intimacy, “but telling your partner your needs and desires can be helpful in avoiding a building resentment that can come from keeping those feelings inside,” Needle says.
3. Prioritize sex with your partner.
“Let’s face it: life can get busy and stressful,” commiserates Needle. And in the upheaval, setting aside time for sex with your spouse can often get lost — even when you’re still in the honeymoon phase.
So, Needle advises, “make your partner aware that including time for sexual activity is a priority. This will allow you to continue to connect with one another and ensure that your relationship won’t be put on the back burner, which can lead to you two feeling disconnected.”
4. Try something new.
Even newlyweds can fall victim to a sexual routine that can quickly turn into a sexual rut. So stray from script, Needle encourages, “and spice up your romance.”
Needle suggests working a little role-. or dress-up into your bedroom activities, or change the scenery to really see sparks fly. “Introduce new objects — such as food or sex toys — into your sexual activity,” she says, “and try new patterns of making love, including different positions and different places.”
5. Be realistic.
There’s a myth that good sex just happens. Ha!
“Let go of the idea that there is something wrong with you or your relationship because you are not all over each other every minute of every day, like you were at the beginning of your relationship,” says Needle. “The truth is that you have to put in time and energy to sustain the relationship and the passion.” So don’t inadvertently hurt your sex life by believing something untrue.
“Be realistic instead,” says Needle. “When you are married and juggling the demands of real life, you might not have time to be sexual every day. Remember that desire ebbs and flows.”
6. Maintain the mystery.
Remember the build-up to your first bedroom adventure? Needle says that anticipation is key when it comes to continuing a satisfying sex life over time.
“Regardless of how long you have been in your relationship, continue to make an effort to maintain the mystery and seduction, and keep the erotic connection and heated desire for each other,” she says. “Don’t make things so routine or focus so solely on the result — an orgasm — that you take the fun and excitement out of sex, which was present when you began to date.”
How do you do that? According to Needle, you should “continue to spend time planning, imagining, and anticipating being with your partner. Don’t want to lose that sense of adventure and surprise.”