Yes, it’s up to you to maintain standards for the treatment that you want and deserve. Establishing boundaries means that you know what you will and will not put up with to have someone special in your life. Quality people who want a loving relationship will pursue you and do their best to win you over. They will happily spend time with you, treat you well, and try to impress you.
If they don’t act this way from the start, or dating disintegrates into a virtual relationship, you need to cut them loose. Otherwise, the chances are extremely high that you have some serious embarrassment headed your way. Here are the seven telltale signs to watch for that let you know they’re not serious about you.
1. They tell you they don’t want a relationship.
You go on a first date with someone who has many qualities you’re seeking. They tell you right away they don’t want a relationship, then they engage you in interesting conversation. You like them and decide to see where things go. This is a big mistake. When someone says they don’t want a relationship, you need to believe them and move on.
2. They flirt with you but don’t ask you out.
This person, who you know from work, the gym, or church, is such a flirt! They go out of their way to turn your head. Funny thing is, they never ask you out. They’re always happy to see you, but it doesn’t go any further, and that’s your clue they’re not seriously interested. Any person who wants to date you will ask you out. If they don’t, there’s something holding them back, so it won’t work out.
3. They say they’ve never been in love.
This is a tough one. Like a moth to a flame, some women are drawn to a person who appears vulnerable and admits they’ve never been in love. They become your “love project” because you think they just haven’t met the right woman yet (a.k.a. you!). Thoughts like these will leave you feeling foolish when they break it off. If they haven’t been in love (especially if they’re over 40), they don’t want to be. Don’t fall for this—please walk away.
4. They text but don’t have time to see you.
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So many people love texting. But any person who texts you “good morning, beautiful” but doesn’t have time to see you is probably texting several other women the same message. Imagine the ego boost of texting with a bunch of single gals. Don’t waste your time, no matter how much fun texting them is or how “into you” they seem. If they were serious, they’d spend time with you in person.
5. They’re newly divorced, not ready for anything serious, but want to “see where things go.”
This is a tricky red flag, because they tell you right off they don’t want anything serious, yet they dangle the possibility of a relationship based on how things go. In your mind, you know things could go great because you’re a great catch. So, you decide to take the chance. Big mistake! When someone tells you they aren’t serious, they mean it. Finish your glass of wine and say goodbye.
6. They bring “takeout” to your place, but you never go out.
Your date suggests takeout and watching a movie at your place, the old “Netflix and chill” routine. Sounds cozy, right? But this is actually the code for “booty call.” They come over to your place, but they never take you out on a proper dinner date.
Why? Chances are they can’t risk being seen in public with another woman because they’re in a relationship or married. Avoid dates at home until you’ve had several dates in public to see how serious someone is about pursuing you.
7. You always set up dates because they don’t.
When you call and ask them to do something, they agree to meet you. But on the other hand, they never initiate anything. Are they lazy? Maybe, but the more likely motivation (or lack of it) is that they’re just passing time with you. They have fun and you’re willing to do all the work, so why not hang out until they meet a woman they like more? Don’t be a placeholder if you don’t want to feel foolish. If they don’t ask you out, regardless of the reason, drop them fast.