When things start to go south in a relationship, it’s easy to place the blame squarely on your partner’s shoulders. But chances are, you’re not completely blameless.
Below, we share seven signs you’re the problem in your relationship — and how to change your ways ASAP.
1. You’re letting your spouse do all the work.
A good relationship is a partnership of equals. Accordingly, responsibilities should be divided up equally. If you’re allowing your bae. to do all the heavy lifting (making social plans and taking care of the bills, for example), resentment is bound to build up.
2. You’re unhappy with yourself.
Cliche as it sounds, you really do need to love yourself before you can offer quality love to someone else. If you’re unhappy about the rest of your life — or feeling uneasy in your skin — it’s bound to impact your relationship.
3. You stonewall your partner.
It’s emotionally exhausting to be with someone who stonewalls you after an argument. The next time you and your boo get int a drawn-out argument about who does the most laundry or whatever else, call a timeout. Once you’ve calmed down, come up with a solution that makes sense to both of you. Don’t resort to the silent treatment.
4. You assume the worst about your partner.
When you and your Sweetheart are working through a problem, give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s probably not trying to draw the argument out and she’s not trying to hurt you. More likely than not, she, too, wants to move past the issue as quickly as possible. Before reacting to something your partner has done or said that rubbed you the wrong way, try to first consider her intentions.
5. You can’t admit when you’re wrong.
You’re an adult, and you presumably want your relationship to last. To make that happen, stop pointing fingers and take accountability for the mistakes you make with your partner. It’s a bad sign if you tend to blame instead of taking ownership for your own issues.
6. You don’t stay on topic when you argue.
It’s the ultimate argument no-no: You’re having a heated conversation about one thing, and suddenly you go rogue and bring up something that upset you years and years ago. If that sounds familiar, you may be the reason you and your partner can’t seem to resolve anything.
7. You assume you’re not part of the problem.
If you don’t think you’re partly to blame for the less-than-ideal state of your relationship,: you are the problem. No one is completely guiltless in a relationship. Be honest about your faults and relationship blind spots and it will do your marriage a world of good.