8 Terrible Names Real Guys Have For The Female Private Parts

8 Terrible Names Real Guys Have For The Female Private Parts

What did he just call my vajayjay? Men complain about the names we give their ding-a-lings, but how about the rude and crude names they give our private parts? And if you think that this is some sort of new trend, you could not be further from the truth.

Throughout history, men have called our lowers bits all sorts of names. In the Avengers movie, many people heard Loki call the Black Widow a “mewling quim”. Quim was also used in the Victorian era to describe a woman’s vajayjay fluids when she was aroused. The word’s origin comes from a Welsh word for valley or hollow. It is now an insult meaning vagina.

Men are still getting creative when it comes to naming our vajayjays. Some of the names are kind of funny and other names are downright hurtful. Let’s explore the most popular.

1. Bearded Clam

From oysters to clams to fish, men are always comparing our genitals to the creatures of the sea, but a bearded clam? Really, guys? It makes me wonder if any of these men have actually examined the insides of a clam and the inner folds of a woman. My guess is that they think they are being clever, but all we hear is, “I’m a moron.”

2. The Name Of An Ex Girlfriend


Women’s Health Magazine tells the story of one woman’s boyfriend who started calling her vagina by his ex-girlfriend’s name. The woman, Tricia W., took the new vag name quite well and started calling his penis by the name of her ex-boyfriend. As the saying goes, all is fair in love and war, and turnabout is fair game in the bedroom.

3. Money Maker


Shake that money maker! Calling a woman’s lower bits her “money” has been a term used since at least the 1800s. It refers to a time when the only way a woman could earn some decent money was if she became a prostitute. So, yeah, its our “money maker”, but I think we have evolved to the point where women don’t have to resort to selling their bits to earn some decent money.

4. Meat Curtains


My teenage son and my then boyfriend were busy cleaning out the backyard pond when they began calling out all the different names for vagina. They rattled off the usual names, but then my now ex-boyfriend mentioned “meat curtains”. What? “Yeah,” answered my son. “I heard that one at school.” He then attempted to explain to me why guys call them meat curtains, but I stopped him before he could speak any further. I get it, guys, but that is far from the romantic language I’d prefer.

5. Kitty


For any of the guys reading this article, please don’t call our vajayjay “kitty”. She does not need to be fed, she does not need to lap up any milk, and she is not in the mood for some sausage. Do not attempt to pet it, either. She does not purr. Seriously. Calling our vagina kitty and talking about it in the third person really creeps us out. Be a man and call it a vagina. Otherwise, move on to your next verbal victim.

6. The Bank


I nearly died when I heard this one. A few years ago, a friend’s boyfriend talked about having to make a deposit at “the bank”. When asked about it, he told us that a guy makes a deposit and in nine months he gets a return with interest. It sounded fairly creepy to me and I was glad he wasn’t my boyfriend. Apparently, my friend was not too tickled about him either and never gave him a return on any of his deposits. Thank goodness for small miracles.

7. Wizard’s Sleeve

Via businessinsider.com

Via businessinsider.com

I am not sure if guys are living in some Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter fantasy or if they think that the sleeve of a wizard actually looks like a vagina. In either case, these guys need to take an anatomy class and pull away from their Dungeons and Dragons games. The vagina has nothing to do with wizards, dragons, and slayers.

8. Va-Janey and Va-Gina


Some guys like to add a “va” at the beginning of their girlfriends’ names to refer to the vagina. This happened to my niece, Janey, who was called “Va-Janey” for a while. Another friend, Gina, complained of the same problem when her boyfriend started calling her private parts “Va-Gina”. I am told that the best way to handle this situation is to start calling his penis by his name, only with the word “little” added to the front it, such as “Little John”, “Little Gerald”, or “Little Alex”.




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