Sharing too many photos on .
If you’re the kind of person who shares snapshots of your honeymoon, cousin’s graduation, and dog dressed in a Halloween costume all in the same day, you might want to stop.
A 2013 study found that posting too many photos on . can hurt your real-life relationships. “This is because people, other than very close friends and relatives, don’t seem to relate well to those who constantly share photos of themselves,” lead study author David Houghton, of Birmingham Business School, said in a release.
Specifically, friends don’t like it when you’ve got too many photos of family, and relatives don’t like it when you’ve got too many photos of friends. Ben Marder, of the University of Edinburgh, also worked on the study, and warned: “Be cautious when sharing and think how it will be perceived . all the others who may see it. Although sharing is a great way to better relationships, it can also damage them.”
Disclosing something extremely personal early on in a relationship
In general, people like each other more after they’ve traded confidences. Self-disclosure is one of the best ways to make friends as an adult. But psychologists say that disclosing something too intimate – say, that your sister is having an extramarital affair – while you’re still getting to know someone can make you seem insecure and decrease your likability.
The key is to get just the right amount of personal. As a 2013 study led . Susan Sprecher at Illinois State University suggests, simply sharing details about your hobbies and your favorite childhood memories can make you seem warmer and more likable.
Asking someone questions without talking about yourself at all
That same 2013 study . found an important caveat to the idea that self-disclosure predicts closeness: It has to be mutual. People generally like you less if you don’t reciprocate when they disclose something intimate. In the study, unacquainted participants either engaged in back-and-forth self-disclosure or took turns self-disclosing for 12 minutes each while the other listened. Results showed that participants in the back-and-forth group liked each other significantly more.
As the authors write, “Although shy or socially anxious people may ask questions of the other to detract attention from themselves, our research shows that this is not a good strategy for relationship initiation. Both participants in an interaction need to disclose to generate mutual closeness and liking.”
Hiding your emotions
Research suggests that letting your real feelings come through is a better strategy for getting people to like you than bottling it all up. In one 2016 study, University of Oregon researchers videotaped people watching two movie scenes: the fake-climax part of the movie “When Harry Met Sally” and a sad scene from “The Champ.” In some cases, the actors were instructed to react naturally; in another they were instructed to suppress their emotions.
College students then watched the four versions of the videos. Researchers measured how much interest the students expressed in befriending the people in the videos, as well as their assessments of the personalities of the people in the videos.
Results showed that suppressors were judged less likable – as well as less extroverted and agreeable – than people who emoted naturally. The researchers write: “People … do not pursue close relationships indiscriminately – they probably look for people who are likely to reciprocate their investments. So when perceivers detect that someone is hiding their emotions, they may interpret that as a disinterest in the things that emotional expression facilitates – closeness, social support, and interpersonal coordination.”
Acting too nice
It makes logical sense that the nicer and more altruistic you seem, the more people will like you. But some science suggests otherwise. In a 2010 study, researchers at Washington State University and the Desert Research Institute had college students . a computer game with four other players, who were really manipulations . the researchers.
>’s how one of the study authors explained the study procedure in The Harvard Business Review: “Each participant was placed in a five-person group, but did not see its other members. Each was given endowments that they could in their turn choose to keep or return, in whole or in part. There was some incentive to maximize one’s holdings, but not an obvious one.
“(The participants were told that, at the end of the semester, a random drawing of their names would be held and those few who were chosen would have their holdings converted to Dining Services coupons redeemable at campus eateries.)” Some of the fake participants would give up lots of points and only take a few vouchers – a rather altruistic behavior. As it turns out, most participants said they wouldn’t want to work with their unselfish teammate again.
In a similar, follow-up experiment in the same study, some said the unselfish teammate made them look bad; others suspected they had ulterior motives.
In an effort to impress friends and potential employers, some people disguise bragging as self-criticism. This behavior, otherwise known as “humblebragging,” could be a turn-off, according to a recent study from Harvard Business School.
In the study, college students were asked to write down how they’d answer a question about their biggest weakness in a job interview. Results showed that more than three-quarters of participants humblebragged, usually about being a perfectionist or working too hard.
Yet independent research assistants said they’d be more likely to hire the participants who were honest, and found them significantly more likable. Those students said things like, “I’m not always the best at staying organized” and “Sometimes I overreact to situations.”
Another alternative in a job-interview situation is to talk about weaknesses that don’t directly relate to the position – for example, a fear of public speaking if you’re applying for a writing position.
When you’re at a networking event and meeting lots of new people, it can be hard to keep a smile plastered on your face. Try anyway.
In a University of Wyoming study, nearly 100 undergraduate women looked at photos of another woman in one of four poses: smiling in an open body position, smiling in a closed body position, not smiling in an open body position, or not smiling in a closed body position. Results showed that the woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling, regardless of her body position.
More recently, researchers at Stanford University and the University of Duisburg-Essen found that students who interacted with each other through avatars felt more positively about the interaction when the . displayed a bigger smile.
Bonus: Another study found that smiling when you first meet someone helps ensure that they’ll remember you later.
Having a hard-to-pronounce name
We know: This one’s really not fair.
But >’s the science: A 2012 study, . researchers at the University of Melbourne, the University of Leuven, and New York University, found that people with more complicated last names are judged more negatively.
In one experiment included in the study, undergraduate participants read a mock newspaper article about a man running for an upcoming local council election. Some participants read about a man with a relatively easy-to-pronounce last name (Lazaridis or Paradowska); others read about a man with a harder-to-pronounce name (Vougiouklakis and Leszczynska).
As it turns out, participants who’d read about the man with the simpler name said that candidate was a better fit for the government position than participants who’d read about the man with the more complicated name
.: Business Insider
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