The first time I shaved, it was my legs, I had snuck into my father’s room and helped myself to his pack of shaving sticks. As I felt the smoothness of my legs beneath my pinafore, I knew I was never going back. Then armpit hairs started growing and I descended on those too. I was never certain how to approach the hairs below the belt, besides who else was seeing that part but me?

Then we got into the university and got properly acquainted with the world—and Gillette Mach 3. So we ploughed our way through those hairs and had (like in The Wolf of Wall Street), no hairs from our eyebrows down. But what the books don’t say is that with pubes, it’s an entirely different game you are playing, that you enjoy that silky smoothness for a day or two but . the third day, when those bastards begin to grow back, it’s like a thousand tiny fires lighting up in your pants and you scratch and scratch till you wish you could peel off your skin and hang it for a bit.

They do not tell you that the end is the same whether you use the most anti-irritant shaving mousse or the sharpest razor or the most sensitive after-shave balm— the third day comes, and it comes with a thousand fires. So you practice and practice and then find out that shaving sticks are perfect for the legs, hair removal creams for the under arms, and a careful mix of shaving sticks, hair removal creams and scissors serve you well below the belt.

You are happy, as far as personal grooming is concerned, you have self-actualized. No one has pressured you or talked you into shaving any hairs on your body but likewearing bras, shaving your legs was not because of some emasculating force but just because doing it made you feel beautiful. You like the feel of your body beneath your palms as you moisturize your skin, besides, try wearing a two-piece bikini with a ponytail down there.

Then Amber Rose comes and uploads a photo of her pubes and starts telling us to bring back the bush, as if I went through all that stress for nothing, are we joking >? And some people are stressing my twitter timeline talking about feminism and female empowerment. You want to empower me? Give me a book grant, help me meet Michelle Obama, help me beg Cobhams to agree to a record deal with me. Female empowerment, showing us your hairy crotch and your oily skin? Please.

I don’t know how or when, but feminism has taken so many shapes and colours that it is difficult to keep track of it. Chimamanda writes a delightful feminist manifesto and she has empowered women, yay Feminism! Miley wears an inflatable man-hood on stage and she has empowered women, yay Feminism! Amber rose shows us her pubic hairs and well… she is trying to end the stigma against pubic hairs… she has empowered women, yay Feminism!

Giving us crap like when IG deletes your fire a*s feminist post… You want to be a fire a*s feminist? Start . respecting the terms and conditions you agreed to when you created your Instagram account. Besides why didn’t she raise her arms up too let us see her armpit hairs? Why did she shave the ones on her legs? Those ones don’t have a problem with the stigma? Is it only the one with her v**ina that complained? And don’t even get me started on the Amber Rose challenge. End bush shaming? Bring back the bush? No Aunty, no thank you, we’re not bringing the bush back. The bush left for good.

This article is culled from