Last week, I wrote about six reasons why your boyfriend dumped you and how you can get the next one to stay (part 1). This is invariably the second part of the article. It discuss how you can gain his respect, thereby increasing the chances of him staying.
Respect, they say, is reciprocal. It is also said that “what goes around, comes around.” To this effect, many individuals especially females who have invested so much in their relationships expect same in return. Unfortunately for many, the reverse is always the case.
The truth is, having affection for someone you do not respect is almost impossible. Love and respect are yoked to each other. Most women ignorantly allow their partners to abuse them or have everything their way with the hope that they will be loved as a result. That is not possible. When you behave in that manner, it becomes obvious that you are either afraid of your partner or you are scared of losing him. Your anxiety may boost his ego but at the same time lower your value. If you do not have your partner’s love, earning his respect is the first thing you should consider. If you can earn his respect, every other thing will flow almost automatically. Here are five tips that will help you:
1. Establish personal boundaries
Protect your self-worth by setting your own boundaries and stick to them. Determine clearly the things you can not tolerate in the relationship and build a life that can survive with or without him. Take important decisions for yourself and figure out alternative sources of joy and happiness. The realisation that you have an option will make him treat you with some respect.
2. Be independent
Treating a person that is completely dependent on you with contempt is natural. Stop wondering why he has less regard for you if you are totally dependent on him. Most men hate liabilities. Only a hand full of men will consider keeping a woman that is completely dependent on him, especially when she is doing nothing to help herself.
Get a job. The type that the pay can meet your little and immediate needs is good enough. You don’t have to depend on him for money to make your hair or buy cosmetics. Instead of asking for some money to do your hair, make the hair with your money and flaunt your new looks at him. If not for any reason, he will respect you for that. When you so much depend on him, he may develop the impression that you are one of those desperate girls that are after his money. The lady that is respected the most is the one who love her man, is faithful to him, and at the same time does not depend on him to survive and be happy.
3. Be trustworthy
Trust is one of the most essential features of a healthy relationship. It solidifies relationships. You can gain his trust by keeping to your words always. Words are suppose to mean something. What gives them meaning is how you back them up. When you say “I love you,” act it by showing care, patience, understanding and every other behaviour that proves what you say. Keeping to your words add substance to your character. Again, be reliable in your neighourhood and workplace. Being consistent in words and character will prove your authenticity. To gain trust, you must be reliable so that your partner will have confidence in your ability to keep your words.
Secondly, tell the truth always. It is very easy to find yourself lying to protect yourself, a friend or your parents. But when you tell the truth even when it isn’t pleasant, you will become much more trustworthy. Sometimes, it feels unavoidable to lie; if you did lie, admit it, confess it to him and explain your motives for lying.
4. Be a good cook
If you want to win you man completely to yourself, you must know how to cook, especially his favourite meal.
I took a local beverage at a friend’s place about a year ago; it tasted really good that I confess it to him. This was his response (though not in his words): It is prepared by my wife. I hardly eat outside because I am used to her standard.
If you are the type that don’t know how to cook, your relationship is at risk. You are leaving your partner with the option of eating outside. When he eventually meet that nice lady that can do it very well, she may become a threat to your position in that relationship.
No man joke with his tommy. Every man at some point will want a dish prepared by his woman. The maid can’t satisfy such drives. It is very important that you know how to cook.
5. Keep your pants up
Dr. Seth Meyers one noted: “there’s an old saying that has some truth in it: ‘in bad relationships, s*x means everything; in good relationships, it means very little.’ While I don’t believe the latter point is entirely true, you get the meaning. Great s*x within the context of a bad relationship is like a drug that will keep everyone coming back for more until each member of the couple gets honest with themselves and admits the truth – the relationship is broken; or worse, not much of a relationship at all.”
Do not try to use s*x to lure a man to stay or love you. s*x does not and can not sustain a relationship. If it does, a lot of relationships would have been saved. If you ask me, I will advice you to abstain from s*x completely. It is not because it is bad for your relationship but because premarital s*x is a sin against your body and before God Almighty (read further 1 Corinthians 6:18-6). If he threaten to leave, show him the door. If he can leave because you refuse him s*x, what makes you think he will stay when he succeeded in sleeping with you. If you must have s*x, do it because you want to, not because you want to please him and insist that he use a condom.
In conclusion, men can be dubious and mean. But by becoming a hard nut for them to crack and by giving them the care and attention they deserve (not the one they want), they will simply regenerate into very respectful, agreeable, and loving beings.
Sarki Gadah is a Psychologist and a writer. For free consultation: [email protected] or follow on twitter @psycheNigeria.