You’ve made the commitment to God, yourself and your future spouse that you are going to wait to have s*x until marriage. You felt empowered when you made the decision, but now you’re just feeling…well, you know…horny! The struggle is real. You don’t want to break your vow, but the gospel music and cold showers ain’t cutting it. What do you do?
Let me share with you 3 tips that I teach my clients who struggle to remain celibate while dating.
1. Pay attention to your triggers
Does watching a romantic comedy turn on your imagination and desire for physical intimacy? Do you have friends who openly talk about their s*x lives, even though they know you’re waiting til marriage? Do you have “flashback” moments late at night when you relive past s*xual experiences?
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Thinking about s*x is normal. It’s part of having a s*x drive. You just want to make sure you are managing your thoughts so they don’t control you and cause you to make poor decisions.
2.Pay attention to your self-care
We all crave s*x, food, sleep and drink. If any one of these areas are deprived, we’ll overindulge in another area. Many of my clients find themselves craving companionship when they’re overwhelmed.
They’re taking care of everybody but themselves: their kids (if they’re a single parent), their parents, church, work, and community. When they finally come up for air, they long for physical touch and atte
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There’s nothing wrong with needing to be loved. But the problem is when you’ve been starving yourself, you’ll reach for “emotional junk food.” You know, a guy who you know is no good, who you don’t even like, or who doesn’t want a relationship, just to fill the void.
In that moment, ask yourself this question: What do I need? Dig deeper than the physical urges. If you need physical touch, then get a massage or spend an entire day at the spa. I know, I know, it’s not the same, but if you’re truly committed to staying celibate, then you’ll want to look for healthy ways to get your needs met.
3. Pay attention to your boundaries
Finally, if you want to remain celibate while dating, create and maintain good boundaries. You might not be strong enough to spend the night at your new boyfriend’s house, even if you’re just sleeping on the couch!
Perhaps you two like to talk about all the things you’re going to do to each other when you get married, but if it’s stirring up your desires, you may need to tone it down. A good verse to remember is this: “”Oh let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe–and you’re ready.” Song of Solomon 8:4 (MSG)
If you honor your s*xual needs as normal but put good boundaries in place, you can keep your commitment to celibacy.