By Bunmi Sofola
WHY do most women fall head-long for love rats but turn up their nose at Mr. Nice Guy, who like the proverbial bitter pill, might do them a world of good?
“Love rats can pull off the cheesiest chat-up line as if they really mean it; says Sarah, a relationship expert. “In the early stages, when they’re trying to win you over they have a knack of making you feel incredibly special and absolutely fascinating. Unlike most men, they are not shy of using three little words you long to hear, usually within a short time of knowing you. So, it’s not surprising that they have great success with woman. But with this success comes danger. One woman is never enough.
“They love the thrill of the chase and the triumph of conquest much more than they will ever love you. Marriage doesn’t stop them – and if you’re unlucky enough to be wed to one, you will have ceased to feel special a long time ago. A love rat rarely wastes his charm on his wife …. “
This past Valentine’s Day must have opened the eyes of a lot of love-sick women to the antics of the love rats in their lives. Some years back, I was already settled in the late evening, some goodies on a plate and a nice video playing when a loud courier man bellowed my name. Irritated, I came to the door and there he was a wilting bouquet in his hand with a balloon attached to it almost as withered as the flowers. “Valentine’s present for you madam,” he announced, expecting me to jump for joy maybe? I looked at the sender’s name and laughed. He was a good friend. We’d joked so often about getting together, we’d practically became like good friends, so why was he sending me flowers? And at this time of the night? Then it clicked. The clever rogue had probably meant the present for another victim.
Did she ask it should be sent back to him? Not wanting to waste his money, he’d ordered the flowers to be delivered to me rather then ending up in the rubbish bin where they belong!
This year, Kate thought she had a lovely Valentine outing planned with Greg, her partner of two years. “We were to go to a posh night club after a lavish dinner,” she said. A dentist in her own private business. you would think she’d be experienced enough to spot a love rat a mile off and make a run for it. “Come the afternoon, he called personally at the clinic, looking very upset,” Kate said. “His mother had been rushed to the hospital after suffering yet another stroke, he said. She’d had one a couple of years back but was now in a bad shape after a relapse. Presenting me with flowers and a box of chocolates, he promised to try and make it back in time for our planned evening, if he couldn’t, he’d make it up to me the following Saturday.
“He didn’t make it back and two days later, a friend called that Greg was spotted in a night club with a stunning date. I was really upset. I went to his flat the next day and his servant let me in. He was having a nap on the couch in the living room, his phone next to him. The temptation was too much. I hurried to the toilet and went through his messages. The same number kept coming up, so I sent a text: How are you? The phone beeped a reply immediately. ‘Fine sweetheart. Still savouring last Saturday! I sent another message; (This is Greg’s girlfriend.’ Immediately the phone rang. “We need to talk’, a woman’s voice answered. I told her I was on my way to the clinic, gave her the address then threw Greg’s phone on the couch next to him.
“Linda was a good looking legal secretary who told me she’d been with Greg for two years – same as me! The cad had strung both of us along. When he gave excuses to me, he was with her. When he gave excuses to her, he was with me – and he’d taken us on similar romantic outings. By the time she left, my head was reeling, I had been with Greg for two years and I thought we were going to spend our lives together. We are both single parents and I thought he would be as eager to settle down as I was … “
So what can you do if you recognize you have a fatal attraction to love rats?
According to Sarah, “Nobody quite understands how it is that within a second of meeting a man, a part of us knows he will not fit with our programming, even if he’s a stranger. Yet it happens all the time. Learning to feel better about yourself and dealing with whatever is unresolved from the past is part of the process of weaning yourself off love rats. The other way forward is to give the nice guy a chance, even if the spark isn’t there.
There are many women out there having their hearts broken by love rats, yet they give the brush-off to the kind of men they say they are looking for. ‘He’s very nice,’ they say. ‘In every other way he would be perfect, but there’s no chemistry, I wish I could fancy him, but I don’t”. Once you understand that, you realize for you the spark is a warning sign – that the man who triggers it is likely to be bad for you and an unsuitable partner. Then you can experiment and try dating that nice man for a while. Without the spark, you won’t be tempted to fall into bed with him immediately, that’s a good thing.
“You’ll get to know him first and discover whether you have important things in common, such as values, interests and what you want out of life. If he’s interesting and fun to be with as well, you’ll find there is a more enduring kind of chemistry – one that grows as you begin to feel safe, appreciated, loved and able to trust him. In the end that’s even sexier than the spark ignited when your eyes meet across a crowded room … “
Clever Dick (Humour)
A rich lonely widow decides she needs a man in her life – so she places an advert in the local newspaper. It reads: “Rich widow looking for kind man to share life and fortune with. Must never beat me up or run away – and had to be great in bed.” For several months, her phone rings off the hook and applications pour through her letterbox – but none seen to match her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. “Who are you?” she asked, perplexed. “And what do you want?” “Hi” he replies, “Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I’ve got no arms – so I can’t beat you up – and no legs so I can’t run away.” “Hmm” she says, unconvinced. “What makes you think that you’re so great in bed?” He looks at her smugly. “Well,” he grins. “I rang the doorbell didn’t I?”