Love is like riding a rollercoaster for the first time; we have an idea of what will happen, but not how it will feel. Like a rollercoaster, in love there are 2 things you should never do, and 2 you need to do if you don’t want to get hurt.
Fear of losing someone we love cripples our ability to think clearly. We panic and try to analyze what we did wrong – compulsively trying to bring the relationship back to when everything was fine.
What went wrong and what NOT to do?
First, you must understand that in love, unless you’ve actually done something truly wrong to the other person, it’s not your fault. Love is two-sided. The person we love will not always reciprocate. Now, having said that, there are two common and destructive mistakes we make in our quest to recover someone:
You may think: “He has to see that I make him happier than anyone else ever could. No one will ever love him more than I do, or want him more than I do.” If this sounds familiar, read on. I’ll give you a very simple mathematical formula that has helped me tremendously through my lifetime of love:
A = B
A (You) and B (your partner) must both similarly value the relationship in order to survive as a couple. If A values it more than B, the balance disappears.
For example, if a man fails to show interest in you, but you respond by giving gifts, preparing a romantic dinner or sending texts all the time, he’ll run even further away.
Healthy love goes both ways. You both deserve trust and appreciation. If you call, he calls. If he plans a date, you plan it another time. If you are consistently doing nice things for him and he doesn’t show appreciation, nor does anything in return, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. If B isn’t interested, you will soon realize that until he values you as much as you, A, value him, you have no relationship.
2. Tell him I love you, I love you, I love you
Continuing with this formula, don’t obsessively tell him how much you love him and can’t live without him. Instead, show your appreciation for the things he does for you and hang out together, but don’t overdo it.
If none of this has worked, and you still feel like he’s moving further away, these are the two things you should do:
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I had a friend who always told me: relax. But, then I’d stress out even more. Like him, my advice is to relax. I know this is much easier said than done, but from experience I can tell you that obsessing with someone and investing all of your time and energy analyzing how to get him back is the worst waste of time.
When you relax and let things take their course, everything goes better. When you don’t relax, you’ll risk suffocating him by not letting him think for himself. This type of behavior is exhausting, and he’ll be more likely to tire of you.
If he already knows how you feel about him and also knows you want to make him happy, give him space and time.
My grandmother always said, “If you love someone you set them free, and if he comes back to you it was meant to be.”
2. Never stop loving the only right person
The only person who will always be right for you is yourself. It’s a mistake to put everything else on hold in our life when you think he is leaving. It’s a common mistake. You stop worrying about yourself. Sometimes you even stop showering, and walk around with puffy, red eyes from crying.
It isn’t worth it. When you first met him, you were a beautiful, independent, happy person, full of energy. This is the woman who attracted him, and the woman he fell in love with.
Just as we have a sixth sense to tell if someone is lying to us, men have a sixth sense to know when you don’t love yourself, and believe me, there’s nothing that will drive away a man faster than when you put yourself down.
This article which was published on Familias.com.