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How far is too far when getting back at a cheating partner?

It’s pointless at this stage to fixate on how common cheating is, or the absurd amount of effort and secrecy it takes to keep up that kind of life.

Cheating is an unwanted reality which, unfortunately, can’t easily be cleansed off the fabric of society, as highly desirable as that might be.

We once published a Twitter user’s story detailing the catastrophe a man faced when his fiancée caught him cheating and refused to say anything about it until months after their marriage was sealed.

Reading the full story will give you a better insight into what really happened, and the conversations prompted by it.


Sex toys and sexual satisfaction for women in relationshipa [Credit Mocha Girls Pit Stop]

Forgiveness and communication of feelings and emotions are obvious topics to be drawn out from there, of course.

But then, the story also makes one wonder: how do you deal with cheating partners?

How do you get back at them for the emotional anguish and bitter disappointment caused by their lying tongues and inability to stay faithful, committed and exclusive to you as they promised to be?

We’ve heard stories of women who go on cheating campaigns of their own as response to their philandering boyfriends and husbands.

Some slash tyres, smash windscreens, rear screens and dent every possible part of the men’s cars. There’s also the one about a certain lady who burnt a foot of all the pairs of shoes her cheating boyfriend had.

“Girls Trip” actress, Tiffany Haddish also shared during AN interview on the “Breakfast Club” that in order to get back at guy who .ed her, she pooped in his favourite shoes and tricked him into stepping into the shoes shortly afterwards!


Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP


Tiffany Haddish said she pooped in a guy’s favourite shoes when she found out he was .ing her [Credit – Getty]

That stinks, literally, but you really can’t blame her, as many people have different .s to being cheated on and anyone who intentionally cheats and breaks the heart of someone they claim to love doesn’t really deserve much pity.

Should you even be getting back at someone who cheats on you?

Well, forgiveness is a great, advisable virtue but it’ll be unwise and naive to expect everyone to forgive, move on and just let things go. Hell no! Not every girl is just going to cry, throw few lame punches and walk away, leaving a cheating, inconsiderate boyfriend or husband for God to judge.

For some people, the idea of letting things go involves letting out steam in one crazy form or another, and if that madness is directed at a partner who pushed them to those extremes, then fair’s just fair.

However, at what point do we draw the line in these instances, and when can one be said to have crossed the line of what’s acceptable as commensurate retaliation when a partner cheats and makes you feel like a fool?


What if you catch a partner cheating [Credit: Binhu]

Obviously criminal actions might have no justification here, and being moved to commit a felony because of a partner’s unfaithfulness will very likely not excuse you from the punishments meted out by law.

Every other thing is pretty much open to debate.

In the story referred to at the beginning of this article, the babe caught her boyfriend cheating thrice and said nothing about it. In fact she returned on one of those days to have sex with the guy. Then few months after, the guy proposed and she said yes.

They had a traditional marriage and from all indications, a lavish wedding ceremony, and still she said nothing until the marriage was signed and sealed. It then turned out that her body felt repulsed every time he initiated sex with her.

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She would later confess to why she did not consummate the marriage, but that was only after pressure was mounted on her, months into the holy matrimony.


What if she has been cheating and you find out [Credit: Black Excellence]

The lady in question claims she wasn’t particularly out to get back at her husband. Her hope had been that marriage to him would make it easy to forgive and move past the whole issue without having to breathe a word about it.

Reactions to this story have majorly been to castigate the lady as being vindictive, petty, wicked, horrible and other similar stuff and it’s really hard to not see her in that light.

It is pretty arguable that she served him a measure of disappointment mightily disproportionate to the one he served her, and that she intended it all all along.

But then, there really isn’t a measurement for the amount of pain she’d have gone through, seeing him sleep around and cheat serially the way he did.

There’s also no way to measure the sadness and frustration she probably felt, being unable to consummate the marriage and enjoy the pleasures of sex like every other married woman. [Mind you, she was already exposed to this fun and sweetness of sex before she married.]


Cheating is not always the end of relationships.jpg

So while one might be moved to make a hasty call on who is right and wrong here, it should be seen as an unregulated case of action and .. When you are tempted to call out the woman for fighting dirty, try to also wonder why the guy did her dirty.

Why didn’t he stay away from all those other girls when he decided to get serious with her?

It’d be pleasant if everyone could stick with their partners and shun side chicks and side guys but by all indications, this will probably never happen.

So maybe it’s about time people began to prepare for the effects of cheating.

If you’re going to be that person who breaks trust and cheats on their partner, then be ready to face whatever comes out of it and you’re not permitted to cry foul when your pained partner pays you back in a heavier coin than yours.

You can’t determine how your partner reacts or what they choose as payback when they catch you cheating because when it comes to matters of the heart, there aren’t rules guiding reciprocity.

What you see is what you get.

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Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading
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