Have you ever been sitting at a bar waiting for the cutie four tables away to come talk to you? Then, when they don’t, you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to the less attractive person who approached you instead. Yeah, we’ve all been there.
Unfortunately, there’s often a tinge of regret that follows casual sex, maybe because it wasn’t that good or you thought about someone more attractive—okay, the cutie from earlier—the whole time. But, if you’re straight and into men, it’s very unlikely that the guy feels the same way. According to a recent study from the Department of Psychology at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, men regret short-term sexual encounters, like one-night stands, way less often than women.
So, how can you avoid that regret and have a night you’ll want to keep thinking about? Well, the same study—which took place over several years—consistently found that women who take the initiative to talk to, go home with, and sleep with someone regret sex less.
The study’s lead author, professor Davis Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, says, “Women who initiate sex are likely to have at least two distinguishing qualities. First, they are likely to have a healthy sexual psychology, being maximally comfortable with their own sexuality. Second, women who initiate have maximum choice of precisely who they want to have sex with. Consequently, they have less reason to feel regret, since they’ve made their own choice.”
In other words, a woman who takes initiative has agency, not only in terms of how the sex is going to go down—but who it goes down with. When you walk up to someone and strike up a conversation, you’re choosing someone you find attractive; thus it’s less likely you’ll regret seeing their face in the morning (or when you order an Uber at midnight). At the same time, by taking control in the bedroom, you’ll be getting exactly what you want.
The cultural restrictions imposed on women in the bedroom have long been overdue for a swift shattering. We’re . to reaffirm there’s no shame in taking control of your sexuality. And, more importantly, there’s no shame in breaking society’s false construct that men have to be the ones to ask women on a date, for their numbers, or to have sex.
At the end of the day, if taking action means regretting sex less, that means you’ll probably be open to doing it more. Sounds like a win-win by every definition of the phrase.