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To have harmony and ultimately happiness, it is important to have balance in relationships – all of your relationships – but especially in your marriage.
Many people do not think about balance. Because the human brain is designed to be efficient, it makes a decision about something and places it in a category.
This is true of objects, people, even relationships. Once the brain has made this decision, it goes about relating to the person, object, etc, in the same manner. But why is this a problem?
How The Brain Can Undermine The Balance In Relationships
How does this relate to balance? Because the brain is being efficient, it takes a lot to change its opinion about something. It is much easier to have placed the object, relationship, etc into a category and then relate to it in the same manner each time.
How this impacts relationships is, if you have a friend who always seems to have problems or disasters in their life and you rush in to help out – lending emotional support or any other kind of support, their brain categorizes you as “the helper, saver, or person to turn to, in disasters”.
They can unconsciously view you as only the person they go to when they have a problem. If they are not aware of the brain’s tendency to categorize, the relationship can become unbalanced. Whenever you need some support, they might not step in to help. It is as if they have blinders on and can not even comprehend your need for support or help.
This type of relating can happen on either end. In some instances, you might be the helper, and in other relationships, you might find you lean on someone you know. It is great to have emotional support. It just needs to be in a “balanced way”.
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Generally speaking though, people tend to stay in the same category with all of their relationships. If they are the ones giving, they generally give to every one they know. While this is an honorable thing to do, it is not fair to someone to always be giving.
It is not fair for you, and ultimately, it is not actually fair to them. When you act in a balanced way and expect others to do the same, you are giving them the opportunity to grow as a person. To relate to you in a fair and balanced way. The relationship can only grow stronger because of it.
You Have A Choice In How You View Relationships
The good news is, now that you know how our brains function, you can make a conscious decision about all of your relationships. You can decide to have balanced relationships in all areas of your life.
Not only will you feel much better and lightweight, but you will also feel personally empowered. Your relationships will grow and thrive.
Change Is Not Always Easy
Yes, some people are going to resist this. As I said, our brains like to be efficient. They are just doing the job they were created to do. But if you are changing course, even when it is for something better, you are going to be rocking the boat, even a little with many people. It will come as a surprise to them.
That is okay. Do it anyway. By doing this, you are empowering them to be better and happier people – with healthier, more balanced interactions. You are giving them the opportunity to participate in healthy, alive, and thriving relationship. With you demonstrating balance in relationships, you are giving them a powerful example.
As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Lead by example. Dare to take the first step in your happiness and the happiness in your marriage – well as any other relationship you have. I do not think you will be disappointed.