Don’t be mistaken, ladies. Marriage is a big step. Just because he asked for your hand in marriage, doesn’t mean he’s really ready for holy matrimony. It’s sounds ridiculous, but some men willingly take their relationship to the next stage by proposing while knowing they aren’t fully committed to getting married.
And unfortunately, you may be so excited about the idea of marriage or your upcoming nuptials that you’re overlooking these warning signs from your fiancé. Do you really want to start your marriage off with uncertainty? Do you really want to look down a road of probable heartache just so you can carry the title of “Mrs.” or, worse yet, because you simply don’t want to “start from scratch?”
Think long and hard about marriage and the man you wish to marry, because if any of these three things are happening prior to your supposed wedded bliss, your man is simply not ready to tie the knot.
1. He won’t commit to a wedding date
This one is simple. He proposed to you only to buy more time. Granted, it could be to buy more time to make more money; his motive for the delay could simply be to give you the wedding of your dreams (though not likely).
It’s my personal opinion that when men won’t commit to a date, we’re generally postponing for selfish reasons. Deciding on the date is the easy part; we know this. But we also know, getting a ring buys us at least two more years to decide our fate—if we really want to get married and if we really want to marry you.
2. He still kicks it with one or more exes
What reason does he have to keep an ex-girlfriend in his circle other than to keep the option open? Unless his exes are in the same Thursday night choir practice as him, run a successful business partnership with him or are the mothers of his children, he should voluntarily cut off his exes if he’s truly serious about taking the next big step with you.
You can’t keep around old flames and simply label them ex-relationships. They’re ongoing ones. They may not be romantic, but they’re not entirely innocent either. If this is him, he may simply not be willing to let go of the past to grab tightly onto his future. And where does that leave you?
3. He agreed to your marriage ultimatum
This one may be the brightest signs of clear and present danger. If you achieved your ring by constant pressure and ultimatums, then prepare yourself for words you most likely won’t love: Your fiancé probably doesn’t want to marry you—at least not yet. HE’S JUST NOT READY.
He likely agreed to marry you because: He didn’t want to break your heart. He didn’t want to see you cry. He can’t ever say no to you. He’s terrified you would leave him if he said no. His mom really likes you, and she’s pressuring him too.
Whatever the reason, if you had to pressure a man into marriage through an ultimatum, he’s simply not mentally ready for the lifetime of effort it requires to sustain a marriage. He has to arrive at that point on his own. He has to choose a lifetime of service to you on his own. You can’t force someone into a lifetime commitment. That’s not marriage—it’s damn near slavery
Once again, marriage isn’t something that should be taken lightly. Both parties should be willing and able to make that momentous step down the aisle. If not, it spells a lot of trouble down the road ahead (even if you make it to the alter or not). So ladies, I suggest you deal with the truth now, or deal with it later. Either way, you’ll rest comfortably knowing the truth.