Recently during a girls’ night out gathering, a friend asked “should you marry for love or security?” As a divorcee, she asked the question because she doesn’t necessarily desire to remarry, but she admitted to not wanting to live or die alone. Another of our girlfriends echoed her uncertainty over the same matter. They admitted to wanting to be taken care of and questioned whether or not it mattered if love was present.
I agree security feels absolutely amazing. I am grateful my husband provides a sense of security and protection for me and our daughters. We have a friendship and partnership that makes my life easier. But I know if something was missing from our relationship, that security, while feeling nice, wouldn’t mean too much. That one thing for me is love.
I can’t imagine co-existing with an absence of love in my marriage. Love is the driving force behind how we show up in our marriages. When love is absent, a relationship fails. What I do in my relationship, I do for love. So if you’ve ever debated the age-old question, allow me to demonstrate why love trumps security in a marriage.
Love makes you sacrifice for the sake of your spouse.
If I didn’t love my husband, I wouldn’t be mindful or concerned with his feelings or his needs. As a result, I am careful in how I approach my husband. I choose my words carefully because my husband’s happiness is my priority.
Love brings a sense of peace and joy into my life.
I can’t see myself waking up next to a person I didn’t love. Yes, I might feel secure, but my heart would long for a fulfillment that only love can bring. I know I wouldn’t be happy. And my biggest goal in life is peace and joy.
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Love brings respect.
In my marriage, there is no yelling, disrespect or name-calling. We communicate with one another with love present. We wouldn’t be willing to do any of this if security were our only reason for marriage.
Love makes the friendship in a marriage even stronger. Love reminds me of what’s most important. As friends, my husband and I can share our secrets, discuss and plan our dreams and encourage one another. Love makes caring about each other in this way that much easier.
Love makes you see things differently
It reminds me that my marriage isn’t all about me. Because I love my husband, I want to see things from his perspective. When I do that, the relationship works better than ever. Marrying for security keeps me singularly focused on my own needs.
When it comes to making decisions on why to marry, couples must think through it carefully. Marrying for anything other than love is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.