There is a great world of difference between dating and marriage. In Africa, we have debased the institution of marriage and have also found a way to enjoy “marital benefits” outside the walls of marriage. But this does not make dating the same as marriage. Most guys have developed the tendency to demand that their unmarried partner carry out ‘marital’ obligations to them while the ladies fall for this. This is not supposed to be.
In a recent episode of The Ngee Show, Ngozi and award winning Nollywood actor, OC Ukeje discusses the things not to do while dating. See a clip from the show below:
1. Don’t Be Thirsty: In other words, don’t be desperate. This is both for guys and ladies. Guys could be desperadoes and also girls but this is a “never do” in a dating game because it makes the “desperado” vulnerable and cheap.
Advice: Never get to that point where marriage becomes a “do or die” affair for you.
2. Don’t Be Choosy/Judgmental: This is most common among ladies. At a younger age, they look down on prospective suitors because of one thing or the other and then as they approach their 30’s and the traffic of suitors disappear, they begin to feel regrets. Be open! Don’t fall for anything or settle for less, but don’t also chase away eligible suitors with outrageous demands.
Advice: Never look down on men who come to you.
3. Don’t Be Engaged For Life: Never wasted your prime years waiting for a man. Don’t let a guy ‘imprison’ you with a ring in the name of an engagement. It is different when the man has got vision and is working towards a better and more comfortable life for both of you – and you can see him doing that. You may be thinking, “What then is the appropriate time to wait after an engagement before going to the altar or calling it quits?” The truth is, I cannot pin a particular time frame to it, because it’s different strokes for different folks. But I believe between 6 months to 2 years is just enough (2 years is even excessive in itself ) to be engaged to one person.
Advice: People change with time. Not every engagement ends in marriage. If he is stalling, give him back his ring while it’s still day.
4. Don’t Date If You Can’t Get Married: I don’t understand this one. Why waste your time with someone you know you cant get married to. People do this for immediate gains without minding what happens when they get stuck together, maybe by an unwanted pregnancy or by soul tie. You then live out the rest of the marriage in regrets. When you meet someone who don’t share your faith, values, beliefs, and vision, don’t take it further. Don’t let it get to the point where you can’t go back anymore.
Advice: You can’t change them (especially, men) in marriage. A stitch in time saves nine.
5. Don’t Make The Social Media The Third Party: In this our today’s world of tweet it, post it, like it, ping it and all the social media ‘bruhaha’, it is quite a temptation to socialize your relationship. But wait a minute, that relationship is supposed to be between two people not the whole world. Plus, you can’t even begin to imagine the harm the social media brings to you. So you may want to think again before to post that picture on the social media.
Advice: Never wash your linen outside – whether dirty or clean.
6. Don’t Make Sex Tapes: How will you even do that? This is not about trust. It is about common sense. When a sex tape leaks to the media, it is always the ladies that are victimized whereas the guys will be praised. So why for the life of me will a lady agree to do that? It dosen’t matter whether your face will be seen or not, it’s something you should not do. According to Media personality and vlogger Uwanma Odefa (in the second video):
“Sex tapes can either make or mar you. If you are a woman, a Nigerian woman living in Nigeria, it will most definitely mar you. There may be pros and cons in making a sex video with your partner, but the cons outweigh the pros.”
Find out more in the videos below:
What are your thoughts? Comment below.