Being single at any age can be challenging in a world that seems to place so much importance on finding the love of your life and becoming a couple. The whole world seems to be geared up to support you in this quest. There is very little support given to those who are consciously choosing to be spend time alone, learning to enjoy their own company and the creativity it sparks. There is almost a sense of failure or that there is something wrong with un-partnered people which is really quite ridiculous, especially since more and more people are realizing that the partnerships they formed early in life, have failed to pass the tests of time and they themselves are now living the single life. Here are ten tips for making the most of being single:
1. Relax. Your singledom will not last a lifetime. Well, it will if it is meant to but this is a very rare karma. The worst thing you can do is panic and think you have to find someone immediately or your life is over. This air of desperation is by far the most debilitating energy to bring into a new relationship with yourself or with anyone new for that matter. It makes you blind to obvious red flags and puts you in all kinds of compromising situations.
So once again – take a breath. Be happy to have been given this special opportunity to get to know yourself. Look at it this way — if you are uncomfortable spending time alone with yourself, what makes you think anyone else will feel comfortable spending time with you? This can be quite a challenge to someone that has continuously filled up their lives with someone else only to discover that they really don’t know or like themselves at all. Having a relationship with yourself is exactly like having a relationship with someone else. You have to be supportive, caring, understanding, and yes, you have to learn to listen and communicate with yourself and your inner guidance. Sometimes the only way to get you to listen to yourself is to force this “time alone” upon you.
2. Stay clean. Forget about coming home or staying home plastered, stoned or disconnected — not a good recipe for a successful relationship with yourself or anyone else for that matter. No sorry folks this is a sobering experience but trust me it will start to grow on you if you just give it a chance. Why not take this time alone to get the help and support you need to beat your addictions once and for all. If you can’t do it for yourself — you won’t do it for anyone else. You know the drill… the time is now!
3. Give yourself a chance. Being happy alone does not happen overnight especially if you are a recovering codependent. There will be times that you feel like you’re invisible, no one will ever love you, you’re wasting your life, your life is passing you by… and a whole lot of other negative self talk. The best thing to do is to take yourself for a walk or — even better — on a date. Learn how to cheer yourself up. The better you get at being alone, the better you will be at being in a relationship. For some it is extremely difficult to cater to your own needs. Are you one of these people that will happily cook if someone is over but if it is just you, crackers and peanut b*tter will suffice? Make the effort to cook for yourself. Seriously, this is one of the most self loving things you can do for yourself. Cook yourself something new each week, each day even. You deserve it!
4. Study something new. Wow, what a perfect time in your life to go to night school or study online or completely change career tracks. Figure out what you are passionate about and go for it. There is no one to hold you back but yourself. Not sure what you are passionate about? Spend more time alone. It will come to you. Give yourself a chance to listen to your inner voice. This process can take time and you really have to be patient with yourself.
5. Meet new people. Not necessarily for romantic reasons, just to expand your support community. If you are consciously attempting to stay out of relationships for a designated time period, you will still need people to share your life with. Friendships are paramount. Where would we be without our friends? Truly alone. No friends? Are you friendly? Do you make an effort to say hello and meet new people? Perhaps you need some help with overcoming shyness. It is always us that separates ourselves from others. Take responsibility for who you are or are not attracting into your life and make the necessary changes to attract some solid friends.
6. Exercise. What a great way to get to know yourself again. Start with reconnecting with your body. Its the only one you have this lifetime and we often look after our cars (which we can trade in) better than our bodies. Singledom is the perfect time to get yourself in shape and the endorphins released when you work out keep your spirits flying high. Why not pick up an old team sport you used to . in high school? It’s a great way to socialize and stay in shape.
7. Rediscover your creativity. It’s in there, I promise you. We all have the ability to create magnificence. You may have temporarily forgotten what you came here to create but if you spend enough time alone you will rediscover your creative self. What a perfect opportunity to . when no one is watching! So take out those pencils, paints, clay, inventions, designs and let loose.
8. Focus your attention on your thoughts. In case you have missed the last ten years of evolution it is now widely accepted that, yes, your thoughts do create your reality. Where are you putting your attention? What is your most dominant thought? Won’t be hard to figure out just take a good look at your life and your reality will be living example of what is going on in your head. Take this time alone to become extraordinarily of your thoughts. Monitor them, erase and rewrite, spend at least 30 consistent days changing negative thought patterns (it takes at least that long to form new neural pathways in the brain.)
9. Be grateful for what you already have. Each night before you go to sleep, concentrate on what you are grateful for in your life. Every tiny little thing can help create the spirit of gratitude. If you are so inclined start to write a journal about everything you are grateful for and watch the list get bigger and bigger each day as your gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for. This is probably the most important lesson of all, finding happiness in contentment in what already exists in your life. The fact that you have one is a really good place to start!
10. Step out of your comfort zone. Each week plan to go somewhere new, or do something different. Don’t wait until Mister or Miss Right is in your life to follow your dreams. Do it now. You have more chance of meeting your special someone if you are living your life to the fullest. Even if you don’t want to meet anyone you still will have a blast following your hearts desires.
Being alone can be a positive force, turning you towards greater creativity and greater personal development. In this “space” that you call your own, you can grow to know and love yourself as a separate individual. One who is not dependent on another human being for your identity and does not fixate or keep moving around seeking pleasure, seeking comfort, and satisfaction from the energy of another being. You can learn to find contentment in and with yourself — just be there alone, calm, cool and collected with the person you love. You!