by Glamazon Tyomi | Ebony.com
GLAMAZON DISCLAIMER: This article is not directed towards the “good girls” who know how to secure and maintain successful relationships, only for women in the “good girl category” who can’t seem to maintain stable relationships. This one is for you!
When it comes to the topic of relationships between women and men, one topic is heavily discussed and debated: the case of the “bad girl.” Over the past few weeks during my lurking through social media sites, I’ve noticed a lot of status updates, tweets and Instagram pictures stating, “Bad girls are getting wifed up,” or “Bad girls are winning.” And they’re always dripping with an underlying disdain or bitterness from those who post them (usually women with good morals and standards who can’t seem to “win,” no matter how nice and sweet they are).
Seeing these statuses, I began to think about the number of women I’ve known vicariously or personally while growing up who had reputations for being bad girls, who are now happily married with beautiful families. That got me to thinking about how these women were able to achieve what so many women only dream of (earning the wife title and the undying affections of a man).
How is it that a woman who’s spoken about so negatively by everyone in society can still rise to the occasion and secure a loving relationship with the big house, fancy car and multi-carat diamond ring?
Before getting into the meat of this article, a bad girl has to be defined and understood. A woman classified as a bad girl isn’t malicious or bad spirited, just a woman seeking love and affection like the next. Her methods of finding companionship are often looked down upon by society because of her sexual promiscuity and what many would consider to be a “lack of moral standards.”
But through her sexual exploration and experiences with the men she encounters, she learns a lot about herself, about men, and about the basics of relationships. The so-called bad girl doesn’t view sex as some sacred act only meant for marriage and procreation, but as a way to express her emotions and a way to release. For her, sex often becomes a tool to achieve what she wants.
So the question is raised: what can a good girl really learn from a bad girl in order to achieve her dream of happily ever after?
1. A good girl can learn how to become comfortable with her sexually
Sex is a major part of romantic/intimate relationships, and one of the main reasons why infidelity happens within a relationship is because of an incompatible sex partner. The bad girl has taken time to learn her sexual triggers (what turns her on and off), and how to perform effectively to make sure their sexual experiences are amazing. The good girl is known to have quite a few restrictions when it comes to sexual performance; she should take notes from the bad girl and learn how to become more comfortable in her own sexual expression.
Spending time self-pleasuring and using mirrors during sex is a great way to help build sexual confidence. Asking for critique is another way to improve. The good girl doesn’t need to practice on multiple men, just the one she’s chosen as her targeted match. When a man can see a woman is comfortable in her sexuality and knows how to take control, it’s a turn-on that can help usher in intimacy.
2. She can learn how to get what she wants out of men
The bad girl typically knows exactly what she wants when it comes to men. She has a clear understanding of what they want out of women and how to manipulate the situation to achieve her goals. What the bad girl gets in this situation is that sex is a natural human function that we all need to maintain a healthy lifestyle. She can use sex to get what she wants, but makes it clear about her intentions before entering into most encounters.
Good girls have a tendency to keep their desires hidden because they don’t want to appear as overly demanding or “gold diggers.” But many good girls can become doormats, just going along with what a man desires instead of voicing her opinion about what she really wants. The good girl should learn how to be direct about her intentions in a relationship, but in a non-aggressive way. Making sure a man understands what you expect out of him; determining the status of the relationship is critical in the early stages of development.
The good girl may go into a relationship thinking it’s a serious commitment, whereas the man may look the union as “friends with benefits.” Being confident in communicating what she wants shows a man that a woman isn’t a pushover, and presents a challenge in the chase that makes courting more enjoyable. After all, confidence is sexy, and in the pursuit of love where there are plenty of fish in the sea, there’s no room to be coy or sheepish about what one wants.
3. She can learn how to be confident in approaching and pursuing men
When the bad girl sees a man she wants, she has no shame is approaching him to let him know what’s up. The good girl is usually traditional about pursing men, and waits for a man to approach her while playing hard to get to deepen the chase.
While “hard to get” isn’t necessarily a bad tactic, the bad girl understands that a man may not always have confidence to approach. There may not be signals present that show him it’s okay to make a move, or he may be intimidated. Because of this, the bad girl will eliminate the awkwardness of “who’s coming on to whom” and approach a man to ensure she has her target engaged and focused on her.
The good girl will sit on the sidelines and wait because she believes women approaching men isn’t natural. But that’s a missed opportunity. The good girl needs to become more confident in her power to influence as a woman and go after what she wants. A man will appreciate the attention and effort, especially when it comes off as sincere and non-threatening.
More men these days appreciate when a woman can be direct about what she wants, because it takes the pressure off of him when it comes to deciphering if she’s really into him or just along for the courting ride that comes with free food and small gifts.
All this isn’t to suggest that good girls go out and sleep with the neighborhood. But they could stand to learn how to become confident about their sexual abilities and how to use them within their respected relationships to get what they want and create a healthy balance of intimacy and communication. Take notes from the bad girl and practice confidence and pride as a sensual being with power to influence men and bend them to your will. Just don’t abuse the power to manipulate, because that’s the one quality of bad girls men loathe the most.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi. Culled from Ebony.com