One feature of a good marriage is openness between couples where no one keeps any secret from their spouse. But in a situation where the wife was defiled . armed robbers in the absence of the husband, Saturday Punch asked some Nigerians whether she should go ahead and tell her husband in the spirit of being open
Jide Okediji: A strong marriage does not keep secrets
In a marriage, husband and wife are one. They should learn to open up to each other about everything at every point in time because a strong marriage should not have any form of secrets. It is going to be hard for a man to absorb such news of his wife being gang defiled . armed robbers though, it is better she tells him before it becomes too late. If he finds out from a third party, there is a chance it will destroy her home. The husband deserves to know the truth. Besides, it was not her fault that it happened. It was not like she opened her legs and pleaded to be defiled. I will be mad if something like that happens to my wife because I was not there to save her from such mess. I will have imaginary pictures but with time, I am sure it will all go away. She is my wife, I will stand . her in such a hard time. r*pe is a terrible thing to happen to anyone, talk less of a married woman.
Cindy Ogada: Let bygones be bygones
No, she should not even try to tell him at all for any reason. She should not tell him because, if they both have any form of misunderstanding, the husband will use it against her either directly or indirectly. Some men can be so wicked to that level. The first thing she should do is visit the hospital for proper treatment and checkups. If test results come out to be negative, she had better keep her mouth shut and let bygones be bygones or else, she will be setting her own marriage on fire and no woman deserves that. Some men can be so unfair; they might even accuse her of adultery or something. She better save her marriage . not telling her husband before he throws her luggage out on the streets.
Awe Oluwadamilare: She better keep quiet to be on the safe side
No, I don’t advise that the wife tells her husband at all because it is too risky a thing to do. If a wife tells her husband that she was defiled . armed robbers, she better start packing her bag because that is the end of the marriage. Ninety five per cent of men, especially Nigerian men, would not be able to cope with their wives anymore and that’s the bitter truth. The trust will be gone even if she is not at fault in the first place. Some men would not even want to touch her anymore and would start tasting the waters outside.
Adebiaye Evlyne: To avert future problems, she needs to tell him
Yes, it is advisable that she tells her husband before anyone does. He should be aware of what happened to avert any form of future problems in their home rather than keeping it to herself which will create more trouble for her and her husband if he eventually finds out. Yes I know some husbands won’t take it easy with their wives but she still needs to tell him so he can accept her for who she is and if he cannot, he will tell her to leave his house. There is a quote that says only the truth can set you free. She tells the truth to her husband, she becomes free. And whatever he wants to do afterwards is his headache and not hers.
Abiola Oladunjoye: It might affect our s*xual relationship
If the husband is aware about the whole incident, he will forever have the pictures of another man on his wife. Also, if I am to put myself in his shoes, I will not take it lightly with her at all. I cannot imagine someone else sleeping with my wife not to talk of a gang of armed robbers. I can’t deal with it because it will be in my memory for life and it might affect our s*xual relationship on the long run. Although, If a man truly loves his wife, he will not think about leaving her in a time like that because it wasn’t her fault that she got defiled in the first place. If such happens before my eyes, it’s a different ball game entirely but if I was not there, she had better not tell me at all. It is therefore advisable that a woman does not tell her husband she was defiled, because he can never love her the way he did before.
Adeyanju Omolola: It all depends on how they interact
It depends on how she and her husband interact with each other at home or outside. Some wives don’t . with their husbands, talk less of sharing their daily activities with them and vice versa. It depends on the level of their trust for each other. But to me, yes I will tell him because I love saying the truth all the time. But if a wife doesn’t trust her husband at all, she shouldn’t tell him but rather, she should keep it to herself. Some men can be so mean that they can use that incident to call her names anytime they have a fight. That turns the home into a big mess.
Babajide Dominic: Someone else who witnessed it might tell the husband
The wife should tell her husband of course. Who knows, there might be possible consequences from the r*pe. The consequences should be taken care of . the wife’s family most especially the husband. Aside the possible outcome of the incident, it can lead to marriage failure. Somebody who knows the husband could have possibly witnessed the event without the knowledge of the wife and this person could narrate same to her husband. The man could conclude that his wife is dangerous for her to hide such incident from him. And you know for every marriage to thrive, faithfulness and openness is key.
Diana James: No one should keep quiet on a r*pe issue
Yes, she should disclose to her husband and if he truly loves her, he will regardless of the incident accept her. And she should be lucky not to get pregnant for the robbers because if that happens, it will result into a big trouble in the house. No one should keep quiet on a r*pe issue especially between couples in love. I know it’s going to be a painful one to say but with time, both of them will get over it. Love conquers all, that’s what they always say.
David Onuwa: A wife who loves her husband should tell him
It’s kind of complicated issue. I have been in that situation before when one of my ex-girlfriends back then was sexually harassed. She was caught in the middle; she didn’t know whether to tell me or hide it from me because she was scared that I might end up leaving her for another woman. She had to . with the man’s manhood to avoid being defiled. She later told me about it and I was devastated. A woman who truly loves her husband and cherishes her home should tell her husband of such horrible experience before someone else does.
Modupe Damilola: She will be saving her marriage from hitting the rocks
It depends because men are different and the way they take things is different from one another. But for me, yes she should tell her husband. If it were to be me, I would tell my husband for my conscience to be clear. I will involve my pastor too but he won’t invite both of us in at the same time though. The pastor will first call my husband and counsel both of us. I’m sure, in this process, he will forgive and forget because it will not be my fault that I got defiled in the first place. Love is not always saying, I love you alone, it is about standing with each other in time of troubles. A wife must tell her husband about such incident because it is the right thing to do and also, she will be saving her marriage from hitting the rocks. It might take a while for the husband to have s*xual intercourse with her but he will get over it with time.
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