A Southern University cheerleader, Arlana Miller, died by suicide after posting a heart-wrenching message to her Instagram on Wednesday, May 4.
The freshman took to Instagram, thanking her family and friends for their support while stating that she was prepared to take her own life
She wrote: “May this day bring me rest and peace. I have fought this urge since my early teenage years.. I gave this life all the fight I had. To everyone who has entered my life I’m so grateful and I can only imagine how this may find you. I have been surrounded by people who may have honestly thought that I was okay, but I havnt been okay for a while.”
The college student then reflects on dealing with Covid, suffering from an injury and feeling alone most of the time.
“I struggled so much through just this year alone. From covid, to tearing my acl, to nearly failing all of my classes,” Miller wrote. “To the people in my life I pray you learn to vocalize your feelings and get help always!!! I failed at that and I’m afraid it’s to late.”
Miller then talks directly to her mother, who she thanks and reassures that she is at peace and acknowledges that she had written suicidal notes before, but she was at her breaking point this time.
She wrote: “MOM, THANK YOU SO MUCH, I pray you know I’m at rest now! You would’ve given anything to see me happy, you have given everything to see me happy. I’m happy in the water where everything is still and peaceful. I have written so many suicide notes in my life but finally, I’ve reached my end.”
She wrote that she hoped that this would teach people to check on their “strong” friends and always be present. Miller said that she felt like she was letting so many people down and losing her connection to God.
“I hope this teaches everyone to check on your ‘strong’ friends, be present always! I’m contradicting myself but NEVER give up!!! I know that I’m letting a lot people down by what I’m about to do,” Miller wrote. “But… truth is I’ve already let down so many people throughout my life and it just feels unbearable. I’ve lost my connection to God. The devil seems to have won. & that is okay, I blame no one for this!”
She concluded her post by apologizing to all of her family and friends, revealing that she has tried to make everyone in her life happy. While she loved everyone in her life, she had had enough fighting and hoped that those close to her found peace in her decision.
She continued: “I thank everyone for all they’ve done & IM SORRY IM SO SO SORRY. But thinking about how everyone else would feel about my death is not enough either, I’ve tried to please and make everyone else happy my entire life. I’ve been dead inside for too long. To everyone I love, just remember that this is not your fault and I pray you don’t find guilt in my situation.
“To my grandad… I wish you were here to tell me I’m being stupid, to tell me it’s not worth it, but you’ve left me & found your own peace.
“I’ve always been stubborn and prideful just like you. I always dreamed of becoming so many things that I am today, but they just aren’t enough. I’m not enough. I havnt felt enough for a while.. but I say all this to say, I’m done fighting. My battle is over and I pray everyone finds peace in that.”
The Southern University and A&M college released a statement via Twitter expressing their deepest sorrows for Miller’s untimely passing.
Her family have created a new Instagram account in her honor and are posting videos and photos of her in her happy moments.
See one below.