Breakups can be hard, but sometimes they don’t spell the end of a relationship.
While movies make us think exes are going to make grand gestures to get you back, that isn’t always the case. There can be low-key signs that your ex is trying to win you over again (although it doesn’t necessarily mean you should get back together).
INSIDER spoke with best-selling author and relationship expert, Susan Winter, and dating and relationships expert Sameera Sullivan, to find out what signs show that a former significant other still wants you.
They still like and comment on your social media posts.
It can be hard to get over an ex, especially if you can still see what they’re doing on social media. So if your ex is still interacting with you on social media, it may mean they’re interested in getting back together.
“Social media is where all this covert seduction [takes place],” Winters said. You may have unfollowed them on social media, but they keep liking your posts or commenting, or even sending you memes they know you’d like, in order to get your attention.
They’re posting things on social media only you would understand.
Winters said this could mean “to post a song that they specifically know their ex is going to see that means something to pull at their heartstrings or remind them of something.”
“Whatever song or common interest the two of you had, whatever it is that you had that you shared together, you will see them starting to post these sorts of things and it’s supposed to be your call to action, to seduce engagement,” she added.
They post on social media letting people know they’re available.
This could mean “a statement or phrase that lets their ex know that there’s a chance for the future, or that they’re single. It’s all ego preservation,” Winters said. It could also be something as casual as a joke about being alone.
They make an excuse to communicate with you.
Winter called this “testing the waters,” when your ex sends you a text, email or call about something unrelated to themselves. “It’s not going to say, ‘I want you back,’ it’s going to say something like, ‘This band is in town, I thought you’d like to know,’ or ‘I ran into Cindy and Jack and they asked how you were doing,'” Winters explained.
They “coincidentally” run into you.
It can be awkward to run into an ex, but if they’re trying to get you back, they’ll make the effort to run into you.
“They show up at a place where they know you’re going to be, hopefully, to have communication with you. Like, ‘Oh, I forgot you take pilates here,'” Winters said.
They bring up the past.
Sullivan explained that an ex reminiscing about the past is usually another sign they’re wanting to try things again. Casually mentioning a memory the two of you shared or something you experienced together is their way of reminding you of the good times you had.
They text you to try to keep in touch.
When an ex keeps texting you asking seemingly harmless questions about your week or goings-on, they may be trying to keep in contact with you in the hopes you’ll realize you miss them. All of the excuses for communication is “simply to test the waters and open the door to further conversation,” Winter said.
Sometimes, an ex may also try to dig for information asking questions like, “What did you do for New Year’s?” to see if you’re still available or if you’re dating again.
They ask you to hang out.
Sullivan said that if an ex is asking to hang out, they’ll be sure to reiterate the fact that it’s just as friends. They may casually ask you to hang out – and most likely it’ll be something non-committal in a public place, like grabbing a coffee.