When people say certain things, we can brush them off as if they’re dust. But then there are other things that insult us to the core. Whatever it is, some insults push all our ., and even though they’re just words they still can sting.
Insults can be funny and it can be good to learn not to take ourselves too seriously. If you can laugh when someone offends you, you’re stronger for it. It’s like the old-school comic Don Rickles who insults everybody in his act and people love it. When he insults people, it makes them feel special (same goes for Triumph the Insult Comic Dog).
There are certain types of insults that offend anyone born under a specific zodiac sign. Find out what offends you most.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The easiest way to insult an Aries is telling them they’re not qualified and then physically turning your back on them. If you want to insult them and enrage them, just tell them they’re boring and there’s nothing special about them. Then run away fast because they will take action.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Never say to a Taurus, “I can do that better than you” — especially if you’re a sibling of theirs. If you want to use classic insults, tell a Taurus, “If you want to learn about mistakes, ask your parents,” or ask, “What did you have for lunch? Because your breath smells like a possum died in there.”
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
To cut to the Gemini jugular, simply say, “I’m not interested in anything you have to say.” Too simple? Then say, “You say you’ve been working your a*s off but it looks like you haven’t done sh*t.”
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
“Your cooking sucks,” will always offend a Cancer. What’s worse than dissing their culinary skills? Tell them that everybody thinks they are creepy.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Anyone following astrology knows that Leos need attention, so if you want to completely offend one, just tell them to go make themselves invisible. Another way to insult a Leo is to tell them that they are neither funny nor clever, and that everyone isn’t laughing with them but at them. Be prepared, because insulting a Leo could land you on their sh*t list for life.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgos don’t enjoy it when you tell them they suck or when they are advised to stop trying so hard. If you really want to offend them, tell them no one cares about their opinion. But watch out, because when you offend a Virgo, they get really sarcastic and will cut you with their words.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
If you want to insult a Libra, prey on their deepest fear and say, “You think you’re cool? That’s hilarious because I promise you that you’re not.” What would an insult comic say to a Libra? “There’s only one problem with your face and it’s that I can see it.”
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
If you want to insult a Scorpio, say the biggest lie there is: “You aren’t very smart.” Another absolutely horrible thing to say to a Scorpio is that they are bad at s*x. Scorpios are a passionate sign, and if you insult them they will delight in planning the perfect revenge.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Tell a Saggitarian that they are a bad traveler or a bad houseguest and watch the sparks fly. If you want to hit them square in the solar plexus, just call them an idiot.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
This may be surprising but the biggest insult you can give a Capricorn is to insult their musical tastes. An example of a two-punch Capricorn insult: “You know that song you’re into? It’s literally the most horrific song I’ve ever heard and you’re a loser for liking it.”
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Scene: You and your Aquarius friend are hanging out. You want to see what will happen if you insult him/her. “Man, you smell so bad.” The Aquarius friend gives you the stink eye. You continue, “I guess you like smelling like a porta-potty because at least it makes you less like everybody else.” End scene.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
If you said to a Pisces, “You actually think you can make a living from doing art?” you would offend them to their very core. If you want to get even more personal, tell them that everyone they’ve ever cried over has forgotten them completely.
Words can be powerful, so rather than saying these insults, maybe make a note to stay away from them — that way you’re not hurting someone for sport.