Connect with us

Relationship Tips

The embarrassment of seeing dad naked in a video

“I’d always know’’dad to be a strict and distant father,” recalled Anita as she told me her recent experience. It would have been a hilarious one if it weren’t so pathetic. “He was also a bit of a tightwad,” she continued. “In spite of the fact that he ran a fairly successful Public Relations firm, we kids never had all the interesting toys kids of our status had.

There was this doll I really wanted when I was 10. A few of my friends had it and Mum promised I would get one on my birthday. ‘Too expensive,’ Dad had told me. Mum had to make me settle for a much cheaper doll instead. Looking back, it seemed like my birthdays as a child had been a disappointment.

“It wasn’t a question of money as he had some A-list clients, he just hated spending money. Whenever he promised to take mum abroad, he often reneged on his promise and went on business trips instead. She could well afford to go on her own as she had a good income from her late parents’ estate, but dad wouldn’t hear of it. It wasn’t all about the money. 0k, so he was tight, but why couldn’t he just give us more of his time instead? That cost nothing.

“Even after we started having children of our own, you scarcely see him at his grand children’s birthdays. Last Christmas, my eldest son had a role as Joseph in their school’s nativity .. He was very excited about his grand-dad’s promise to attend but, as usual, only mum arrived. ‘Dad has to work in the office till late again?’ I snarled. My mum just sagged. ‘See, I’ve brought your dad’s camcorder. We’ll record everything so he’ll get to see it after all.’ I harrumphed. Thank goodness my son’s performance was brilliant and I happily recorded everything as mum is always all fingers and thumbs when it comes to electronic gadgets. 1 couldn’t wait to see the footage myself, before dad did.

“After I’d transferred the film onto tape, 1 got my son off to bed, then settled down to relieve his moment in the spot-light.

“I smiled at the kids’ antics and their teacher’s efforts to make them behave. And then there was my son as Joseph, squinting from the stage trying to spot me. The film was almost at the end as I listened to our applause when suddenly the picture flicked onto something I didn’t remember recording. Was this something Dad had recorded? Oh, my God! I blinked, couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing – my Dad, stark-naked and filling the screen. It looked as if he was in a posh hotel; abroad maybe? Despite the fact that the picture was wobbling, I could hear a woman’s voice laughing in the background – and it wasn’t Mum.

“My eyes nearly went off their sockets as a well-groomed woman in her twenties came laughing into focus – naked as the day she was born. Then they kissed and ended as a heap on the bed. I hit the ‘stop’ .. My dad. Playing around? That cheating, double-crossing, swine! Working away? Playing away more like! I couldn’t sleep that night and I didn’t have the courage to tell my husband what the matter was. I knew I had to confront Dad with what I’d seen. I didn’t have long to wait. I got back from dropping my son off at his school to find my flustered father waiting for me.

“`Mum said she lent you my camcorder … ‘he started. Yesssl’ I hissed, waving the video tape at him. ‘And very interesting it was too.’ Dad tried to deny everything at first. Pathetic. I told him I’d seen all there was to see. Then he just struggled, dejected. ‘I have a great respect for your mother,’ he begged. ‘Please don’t tell her.’ All the pent-up resentment boiled to the surface. ‘You have a great respect for her?’ I yelled, ‘All those years she begged to be taken abroad on holidays with you and you ended up disappointing her – only to take a gold-digger instead. When was the last time you thanked her, bought her a decent present?’

Then this idea hit me on the spot. I know, deep down, I could never tell  her. I couldn’t hurt Mum like that. But Dad had to pay somehow. And I knew what would hurt him most – a blow to his pocket. ‘If you promise to take her on your next trip abroad as a treat, that would about do it,’ I told him. But why stop there? Dad was a selfish grand- dad. And when was the last time he’d done anything nice for me? ‘I almost forgot Dad,’ I continued, twisting the knife in, ‘David’s school has already started making plans to take some of the pupils on summer holiday. I told him I’d ask you if you could help.’

“I’d asked him once and he flatly refused. So, I was blackmailing him. But whatever nip of guilt I felt was neutralised by how Dad spent little on his family. He didn’t argue and promised to shell out on my son’s summer holiday. These days, Dad now spends more time at home and is always surprising Mum with little gifts. He’d asked for the tape and I’d gladly given it back to him. I’d made my point!”

Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading
Advertisement

Advertisement

Trending