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The error in trying to change a working relationship after marriage

At the point where a boyfriend and girlfriend transition from that to husband and wife, do they become different people or the same people with different titles?

Easy as it may seem to choose what the correct answer is on paper, many marriages have begun on a terrible note because one or both spouses answered that question wrongly in real life.

I really can’t remember the particular Instagram page, but I recently read a story on one those popular relationship blogs. In it, a woman narrated how her husband switched up on her immediately they became married. The guy who used to be all sweet and unbothered by traditional gender roles suddenly became one who had a problem making his own meals no matter how tired his wife was. It’s been a little while so I can’t remember much of the details of that story anymore but I hope you catch my drift here.


Don’t stop being the man you were that made her say yes to spending her lifetime with you. [Credit: Pinterest]

There are men who legit believe that they suddenly assume a certain ‘manly’ or ‘authoritative’ position when they become married. People actually believe that the difference between being a boyfriend and a husband can be established by becoming a different person entirely post marriage.

People seem to think that there is a certain, special way that married people should behave; that their carriage and bearing has to be more dignified and regal and commanding respect. There is apparently a belief out there that when people marry, they instantly go through a seismic shift which elevates them to a position higher than where they were on while they were single, and therefore their behaviour should reflect that change.

ALSO READ: Why do wives let off cheating husbands so easily?

I have come to tell you today, dear man, that this is absolutely false. You are a man with a different title, of course. And she is a woman with a different title, too. But that’s as far as that change goes! You do not need to change into some authoritarian asshole in the name of being a husband. And you do not have to be subservient maid all in the name of being a wife!


You do not have to be something else that you already are just to be someone’s wife. [Credit : Video Blocks]

Titles may have changed and the way society relates to you may have changed, but don’t let that get into your head. Deep down, do not forget that you are still just yourself. You are still that boyfriend and the woman who you are now married to is pretty much still your girlfriend. All that has changed is the legalisation of your relationship.

If you were a .ful goofy boyfriend, continue in that vein when you are married. Your woman is still the same woman and if she loved you goofy on the Friday night before your wedding, best believe she’d still want the goofy you on Sunday morning after the wedding.

It does not make you less of a husband if you stay goofy. The only question is: does it still make your woman happy? Then keep it up!


You will likely have relationship problems early into the marriage if you are expecting your girlfriend to change into something else in the name of being a ‘wife’ [Credit: xoNecole]

If you used to sext each other while dating, getting married does not make you too big or too dignified for sexting. If you used to feel comfortable with your man .fully tapping your butt outdoors while no one is watching during your relationship days, the fact that you are married does not mean that has to change or stop!

Does your boyfriend like you wearing certain clothing when you were his girlfriend? Then don’t stop wearing them when you become his wife! Chances are that he’ll still want and love you looking that way!

Your name and title may have changed at the point of marriage, but that’s as far as it really goes. While society may refer, relate and see your partner differently after marriage, you really do not have to. And you should not expect that from them either. Keep relating in the same way that made you happy enough to decide to marry each other.

That’s the energy you need to keep up after marriage!

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