Part of having a good relationship is also knowing how to resolve conflict constructively. Any close relationship will have conflict, if it’s a real relationship. When a fight starts to get heated, voices and tempers rise, and cruel words are often rapidly hurled out. This one solution that always work out is de-escalation.
De-escalation is literally saying “time-out” to the fight. It’s not walking out or quitting — it’s saying, Let’s press pause, and go back to our corners just like boxers do.
What does this do? It removes you from a volatile, angry situation — and lets you “cool off.” It stops the fight dead in its tracks, as everyone takes a break. You don’t go to those bad, dark places with words.
What do you think happens 20-30 minutes later? Usually, someone ends up nicely apologizing to the other person. What else happens? There is no pushing each other’s hot . as much or screeching as many insults, criticisms and bad words as possible.
“De-escalate” means separate and cool off. Believe me, it’s made a huge difference in our relationships with each other — not just between me and my husband, but also with the kids.
>’s the key to making it work: You have to agree to the strategy when you’re all cool, calm and collected. Then, implement it. Everyone gets the right to de-escalate! Try it, whether it’s with your partner, tween, teenager, siblings or parents — and see how if it works!
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