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These are the tough conversations you will need to have during your relationship

Looking at happy relationships from outside in, it may be so easy to assume that all that goes on is sunshine, roses, cute talks and endless cute photo sessions. But even the happiest, most peaceful couples will tell you that before the peaceful, smooth and hitchless phase of their relationship, there have been necessary, awkward conversations and tough speeches that needed to be had in order that a perfect understanding might be reached between both partners.

And if your goal is to have a relationship that runs smoothly and is devoid of repeated squabbles, misunderstanding and conflicts, you, too, may have to have these difficult talks at some point of your relationship.


PeopleImages/Getty Images


it may be so easy to assume that all that goes on in a relationship is is sunshine and roses but that’s not true [Credit: PeopleImages/Getty Images]

Money Talks

Who gets what? Who settles what? Is the man expected to foot all bills or the woman is going to pitch in too? If so, to what extent?

It’s been said that you should never talk about religion, money, or politics in polite company. When it comes to your relationship, that rule couldn’t be further from the truth and according to American relationship expert, Candice Cooper-Lovett, scheduling an intentional space for conversations about what’s going well and areas of growth and improvement can be helpful for bringing up difficult subjects with your partner.

You may have to have some difficult talks at some point of your relationship. [Credit - iStock]


iStock


You may have to have some difficult talks at some point of your relationship. [Credit – iStock]

You are not satisfied with the sex

This is awkward because while your partner needs to realise that they are not doing enough to please you sexually, you do not want them to feel bad.

But no matter how difficult it is to say it, you’ve just got to say it because a failure to do so will only leave you sexually frustrated and that could spill into other aspects of the relationship.

Bad past

It won’t be so easy to speak of a former life littered with unsavoury things. But it is important to have this conversation with your partner so they know who they are with. Your life at any point is a summation of all of your experiences and without letting your partner in on that history, they may never know how to treat you right, or understand why you do some of the things you do. And, really, that could cause endless arguments that you can just avoid by having a conversation about the past.

It won’t be so easy to speak of a former life littered with unsavoury things. But it is important to have this conversation. [Credit - LifeStyle.ng]]


iStock


It won’t be so easy to speak of a former life littered with unsavoury things. But it is important to have this conversation. [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]]

A broken upbringing

According to Cora Boyd, a relationship expert in Seattle, USA, “your relationship with your family is hugely formative for how you approach any kind of intimate interpersonal relationship,” she says.

This may be extra important for people whose early years were less than ideal.

Talking about family politics can be complicated, painful, or even embarrassing, but opening up about them helps you both know and care about each other more deeply.

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Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading

Relationship Tips

Here is an explanation for why communication dies slowly between a couple

Stonewalling in a relationship is what happens when one [or both] partners consciously and intentionally refuse to allow communication flow especially when there is something that really needs to be talked about.

Obviously, even when there aren’t issue or problems to deal with, the communication line between partners is meant to stay on at all times. Being able to talk to a partner; being able to express one’s deepest fears and even dumbest thoughts is one great thing about having a partner.


This is what stonewalling looks like – a partner trying to make things good, another refusing to listen.

But all that is put on hold with stonewalling.

Stonewalling is actually a form of communication deficiency, and differs greatly from the occasional timeout to calm down or collect your thoughts, which partners normally have every now and then.

It is an absolute refusal to consider your partner’s perspective. If you listen at all, you do it dismissively or contemptuously. It is a failure to practice the kind of communication skill required to keep your relationship going; and men have been accused of being main culprits of this.

According the result of a research carried out by Prof. John M. Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, stonewalling “ is far more likely to be a male thing.”

“When women stonewall, it’s typically a function of temperament – they’re , inhibited, or . More commonly, it’s a learned behavior – engaging in conflict or emotion-laden conversation has exposed them to put-downs or abuse in the past.”

ALSO READ: 5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

And more interestingly, men do not even know when they do this. When their partners try to initiate conversations about certain important issues that affect them, they run or continuously push such discussions of dismiss them altogether.


Men are more guilty of stonewalling than women could ever be [Credit – LifeStyle.ng]

One of the signs that a man could be stonewalling is if he believes his partner nags him.

Women don’t necessarily nag all the time. When a partner keeps repeating something, it’s because she’s not being heard. A nagging partner is usually an unheard partner.

Whether it is practiced by a man or woman, stonewalling hurts your partner, and causes feelings of isolation, frustration, anger and could make them think that you don’t care about them or their opinions.’

There is only one solution to this malaise; intentional, effective communication.

Whether you have a spouse, bae, boo or you’re about to get one of these, stonewalling has no place in your relationship because great relationships thrive on communication not on negative actions as this.

Continue Reading
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