When you hear the word “tantra,” what instantly pops in your mind? The idea of spending hours upon hours lost in slow-motion, super-pleasurable lovemaking? Well, my friends, tantra is a little different than what pop culture would have us believe.

We wanted to learn more about what the real deal is with tantric s*x, so we talked with Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Great s*x Made Simple: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy and Heighten Pleasure, who opened us up to the real workings of tantra — and how everyone can use tantric techniques to take their s*x lives to the next level. >’s what they had to say.

How Sting got it wrong
Sting kinda became the 21st century spokesperson for the ancient mythical s*x practice . saying all kinds of things about his experience with tantra, but the 5,000-year-old Eastern spiritual practice does not mean that you have to make love for hours. Instead, enlightenment and having a reverence for your partner that lasts beyond the length of any climax is at the core of the teachings, Michaels and Johnson say.

“It’s funny that a comment Sting made over 20 years ago [about tantric s*x] still has an enduring hold on the public’s imagination,” the couple says. “He’s tried to explain it away or recant it in various ways. At one point, he said that he regretted making the statement and didn’t really feel he could talk about the subject beyond saying that his wife, Trudy, is his church. That’s much closer to what the spirit of tantric s*x is all about.”

“In the classical s*xual ritual, the participants worship each other as embodiments of deities. We encourage people to bring an attitude of reverence into their lovemaking and to all their interactions. The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique. It’s certainly got nothing to do with bragging about staying power.”

That said, prolonged lovemaking is part of the tradition,” Michaels and Johnson say. “The tantrics of old recognized that climax can be a mystical experience, often the most readily accessible mystical experience of all. During climax, the mind goes quiet, and you may feel a sense of merger — be it with a partner or even with all that is.

More: Can Mindfulness Benefit Your s*x Life?

For most of us, the transcendent potential in s*x is something that’s experienced only briefly, during the climax itself. If you extend arousal and focus on building it (this need not include private part intercourse), you may start to feel this sense of union well before you have an climax, and it is likely to last far longer than it would in more conventional lovemaking. So making it last is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you can stay turned on for a half hour or so, you’re likely to experience the altered state of consciousness we just described.”

How to incorporate elements of tantric s*x into your own bedroom:

1. Focus on your breathing and your (and your partner’s) . to touch
“It’s fairly common for people to check out during s*x, to do things . rote and without a whole lot of reflection. Paying attention to what you’re experiencing in your body, the way you are breathing and how your partner is responding are all very important,” the couple says.

2. Give and receive with kisses
“To take this a step further, people tend to interact sexually based on a set of tacit understandings: Basically, I’ll do you for a while, and then you can do me, and if we’re lucky, we’ll both have a good experience,” Michaels and Johnson say.

“We encourage people to separate giving and receiving in a very methodical way. For example, it’s great to experiment with giving and receiving kisses. Take a couple of minutes and allow your partner to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. Then reverse roles. When you’re kissing, see how fully you can give yourself over to the active role. When you’re receiving, surrender to the experience completely.”

3. Take 60 minutes and give each other a massage but no s*x yet!
“Set aside an hour or so to give and receive full body massages (culminating with private part stimulation but not intercourse). Do this on different days. As with the kissing exercise, the role of the giver is to give as fully as possible, and the role of the receiver is simply to receive. Taking this activity out of the realm of foreplay and keeping the roles clearly defined may help you discover new sources of pleasure, and may also give you new insights into the way you interact with your partner both in and out of bed.”

4. Break a taboo . just talking about s*x
“Many traditional tantric practices involved breaking cultural taboos, and there were many in medieval India,” the couple says. “This was true both in the context of s*xual ritual and more generally. In the simplest terms, the violation of these cultural norms had a liberating effect. Of course, we don’t live in a society that has such clearly defined social rules, but we all have our own self-imposed limitations and our habitual ways of being, in lovemaking and more generally in life. If you can shed some of your inhibitions, you’re likely to experience more pleasure. Talking frankly about s*x is a big taboo for many, so for many, having frequent and explicit conversations about s*x is a great first step.”

5. Explore a personal s*xual taboo together
“If you want to get a little bolder, you can identify a couple of personal taboos (you can also do this as a couple . identifying shared taboos), and then decide on one that you might be interested in breaking,” Michaels and Johnson say. “Don’t pick anything huge at first; it might just mean making love with the lights on or experimenting with light bondage, sensory deprivation or role-.. The purpose is to become more flexible and aware and to be less limited . preconceived ideas about yourself. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of a lot of pleasure . thinking, ‘I’m not the kind of person who would enjoy that.’

.: Foxnews

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