Fighting in a relationship is not in itself a bad thing.
It is believed that if couples are completely open to each other at all times, there’s bound to be moments of differences and disagreements and this is just fine.
But when does fighting become wrong and when do you cross from healthy disagreement to the unacceptable unhealthy forms of fighting?
According to John Gray, the first African-American associate pastor at Joel Osteen’s Houston megachurch, one particular sign that your fights are unhealthy is “when you purposefully go out of bounds to harm the other individual with your words.”
Using his own marriage as an example, the minister says: “when I’m hurt, I use my words to convey my pain, and there have been many times when my words were out of bounds because I knew that if I said this, it would hurt [my wife].”
“I wanted my wife to feel the pain that I was experiencing in that moment.”
Most times when couples do this, they would later apologise for those hurtful words “but it’s like shooting somebody in the thigh and then saying, ‘Can you forgive me right now?’”
What makes the fights in your relationship/marriage wrong is the way you go about it, the words you let out without thinking about their repercussions.
As Pastor John Gray says, “you’ve got to put boundaries around your disagreements.”
You can’t apologise for saying terribly hurtful things and expect them to just go away like that.