So I bet you read this headline and thought, “Well, because it’s one-sided, duh.” And you would be correct. One-sided relationships are no good for you because they are only one-sided. However, breaking off such a relationship is usually easier said than done.
A one-sided relationship is a relationship where one party is putting significantly more time, effort, energy, and love into the relationship than the other party. How much more, however, depends.
It can be difficult to recognize when you’re in a one-sided relationship. Sometimes you find that your partner does care, but just not as much as you do. Which, to be completely honest, is rather normal. It’s rare to meet someone that feels as much for us as we do for them.
Building a synergistic relationship takes significant time and effort. You have to BUILD this kind of relationship. Which, unfortunately, is rarely done these days.
But when a couple does manage to take the time to allow that care to take seed and flourish, the result is … happiness.
One-sided relationships are exciting — don’t get me wrong. If you’re looking for drama, one-sided is the way to go; no argument there. If, on the other hand, you’re ready for something a bit more meaningful, then you’re going to need to get out of your one-sided relationship, even if you’re already the receiver.
1. Being the giver and never the receiver will eventually drive you mad.
Giving is an addiction. For one reason or another, we believe that if we give even more, eventually we will get something in return. It’s the illusion of the selflessness of love that we fall for.
Love isn’t selfless — nor should it be. It may feel selfless, but as we’ve already established, the reason you want to keep giving more of yourself to this person is because you believe that eventually YOU will get something in return. Tricking yourself into believing that love is selfless is going to get you into trouble.
You’re going to give and give and give, and your partner is going to take and take and take. And the worst part? The more you give, the less someone else will want you. This is another basic fact of human nature.
You need to get out of your one-sided relationship because if you don’t, you’ll eventually lose yourself. It’s inevitable.
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2. Being a receiver without ever having to give is no good for you, either.
You would think that being the giver in a one-sided relationship would be the most damaging, but that isn’t actually the case.
I know how easy it is to take what’s being offered you. Nothing in the world could be easier. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to put in any effort. You don’t have to ask. You don’t even have to want it, because you will get it anyway.
And that’s the problem: You don’t have to want it to get it. So why would you want it?
Don’t get me wrong: Being the only giver will break your heart. It’ll hurt. It’ll heal. You’ll move on with your life. But being the constant taker will fuck you up, because your heart won’t break. Your heart won’t be capable of breaking. You’ll become numb, immune to the world and the people that fill it.
You’ll stop feeling.
And once you stop feeling, you’re going to become desperate. You’re going to find other ways to stimulate yourself, which in the end only makes things much worse.
Being in a one-sided relationship and constantly taking without ever giving or even caring is heartless. Act heartless for long enough and you become heartless.
For every one of us that gives too much, there’s another that takes too much. You don’t want to be that guy (or gal).
3. Life is too short.
The fact is that there is someone out there, right now, that would treat you the way that you should be treated. There is someone out there that you can fall in love with. Someone that will feel … right. Don’t settle for anything less than right. Perfection may be a fairytale, but there is someone out there for you that will feel like home.
Life is too short to give yourself to someone who doesn’t care for you — just as it’s too short to be in a relationship with someone you don’t truly care about. You can’t start your relationship with the right person until you end the relationship with the wrong person.